


The Science of Love

by Cate_9xBlue



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Tangled (2010)
Genre: But we love Quirin, Coming Out, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, Eugene’s just better, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Freckle Siblings, GUYS there’s actually FLUFF I DON’T just torture the boy, Gaslighting, Gay Panic, Heartbreak, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Internalized Homophobia, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, I’m as surprised as you are, I’m so sorry, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Mentioned Nuru - Freeform, Mentioned Yong - Freeform, Panic Attacks, People say some really bad stuff, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Time Skip, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rating will probably change, Returning Home, Sad Varian (Disney), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Slight Dadgene, Team Awesome (Disney: Tangled), Touch Aversion, it’s illegal to be gay in Corona, like they’re bros don’t get me wrong but Eugene’s lowkey more of a dad to Varian than Quirin is, no Quirin hate, no explicit content, oh boy, tags will be added as the story progresses, the boy’s not okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:42:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28908765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cate_9xBlue/pseuds/Cate_9xBlue
Summary: Love is something Varian has never understood. In true scientist fashion, he decides he needs to experiment and learn for himself.The margin of error is far wider than he ever could have anticipated.
Relationships: (eventually), Angry | Keira & Red | Catalina & Varian (Disney), Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Varian, Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Hugo & Varian (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms), Hugo/Varian (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms), Nuru & Varian (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms), Quirin & Varian (Disney), Rapunzel & Varian (Disney), Varian & Yong (Disney: Varian and the Seven Kingdoms), Varian (Disney)/Original Character(s)
Comments: 80
Kudos: 149





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Y’all this is LITERALLY be gay do crime.

* * *

  
Varian wasn’t a typical teenager. He was different.

…

That was a cliche thing to say.

Varian wasn’t exactly _average._ He spent his childhood inside reading instead of playing ball in the streets. His early teen years were spent locked away in his lab, tinkering on the odd gadget and perfecting alchemical formulas. Then there was that year he was doing… _other things,_ which was followed up by kind of pushing any sort of youthful things behind him. He helped save the kingdom, invented hot running water, became the Royal Engineer. He just kind of skipped over any actual “teenage” phase, hopping straight from child genius to accomplished young adult. So that left him 17 years old, without ever having been on a date, or having any sort of relationship at all. He was fine with that. 

But Rapunzel was not. 

He loved the princess like a sister. She really _was_ his unofficial sister, having pulled as many legal strings as she could to keep him as close to the royal family as possible without outright adopting him. And he knew she meant well, so he always tried to have some extra patience for her and her enthusiasm. But when she dragged him to the fourth ball in half as many months, dressed in a stiff suit with his hair gelled back, and shoved him at every half-attractive female she could find, he realized that his patience may have limits. 

“She’s actually the princess of a kingdom not too far from here,” Rapunzel was saying, introducing him to the doe-eyed brunette standing in front of him. She seemed nice enough, not nearly as stuffy as the usual noble Rapunzel tried to set him up with, but he just felt awkward. The princess was actually taller than him by about an inch, even more with those heels, so that she towered over both him and the Coronan heir. Rapunzel was undeterred by the obvious stiffness in the air, her smile as bright as ever as she bid him good luck under her breath and winked, taking his left hand and placing it on the princess’s waist before slipping off to find Eugene- her partner in crime. The man just shot him a thumbs up, ignorant of the suffering he was encouraging. 

“Sorry about her,” Varian chuckled, going to remove his hand, but the princess placed both of hers on his shoulders, securing him in place. 

“It’s really no trouble,” she assured him, voice thick with an accent that sounded like it was from somewhere within the vicinity of France. “She is quite the sweet girl.”

“She means well,” he said awkwardly, raising his free hand to her shoulder with a stiff smile. 

“Zis is a beautiful kingdom,” she observed, warm brown eyes flicking around the decor. “Very different from my home, but in a good way. I am named for the violets that grow over the hills of my kingdom. Iola.”

“Varian,” he supplied courteously, trying his hardest not to meet her eyes. It was always worse when they were actually nice. At least when they were rude, he could relish in the spiteful feeling he got from his obvious disinterest. Right now, he just felt mean. 

“Hey, V!” His hands retracted as though burned, entire system flooding with relief as bright red hair entered his field of vision. Catalina was followed by Keira, who had a smug look on her face. “We need you for a second.”

“Sorry,” he hurried out, bowing to the foreign princess.

“It is alright,” she said sweetly. “Perhaps we will see each other around.”

“Maybe!” Was all he got out before Catalina grabbed his hand, tugging him away. Once they were out of earshot, he sagged with relief. “Thanks.”

“You owe us,” Keira huffed, crossing her arms. Her sister elbowed her in the ribs. 

“That was painful to watch,” she admitted with a wince, nodding to where the princess was now dancing with someone else. 

“It was painful to experience,” he agreed with a groan, shaking out his hands. He slumped into his chair at the royal family’s table, letting himself slide until only his face was visible over the edge. “I hate these stupid parties.”

“You think we like them any more than you do?” Keira grumbled. “Only redeeming quality is the food bar. And we’re not even allowed to have all of it.”

“The dessert bar is open _after_ dinner,” Catalina reminded her. 

“Which is ridiculous, if you’re not even planning to eat dinner!” Varian groaned again, hiding his face in his hands. The girls gave him a sympathetic frown, before breaking away with a start. “Sorry, V. Gotta scatter.”

“Good luck!” He pried his hands away to see what scared them off, only to find Rapunzel making her way over. _Traitors._

“Varian!” She said, surprised. “What happened to Iola?”

“My feet got tired,” he offered lamely, not moving from his slouched position. 

“A man never lets his feet get tired when a woman’s on the line,” Eugene declared from behind him, and he felt hands hook under his armpits. He was pulled back into a sitting position and his seat was pushed in, effectively trapping him. The couple took the seats on either side of him, cornering him even further. “Unless it was cold feet?”

“Aw, Varian,” Rapunzel cooed. “It’s okay to be nervous! She’s a very sweet girl. I did a little poking around first, this time, and you have a lot in common! Did you know she likes to read?”

“Wow,” he drawled, resting his chin in his palm. “She’s literate.” Eugene coughed out a laugh, smacking his chest in an attempt to brush it off, and Rapunzel pouted. 

“Just give her a chance.”

“Raps, I appreciate the gesture, really. But none of this is really working. Maybe I’m just not meant to date anybody.”

“But love is the best part of life!” She protested, gesturing enthusiastically. “It’s that extra push to get up in the morning! It’s the spice that makes life more flavorful! It’s- it’s the best chapter of the book!”

“What she’s trying to say,” Eugene summed up, leaning into the teen’s vision. “Is that it’s special. And she doesn’t want you to just never have it.”

“Exactly!”

“...fine,” he relented, trying to force the mild annoyance out of his voice. “But can we be done for tonight?” Rapunzel’s face softened, losing some of the gusto she’d had moments ago. 

“Yeah,” she agreed with a sigh. “I guess there’s always next time to find you the girl of your dreams.” He rolled his eyes, laughing despite himself. 

“Okay, sure.” The princess patted his arm before standing, returning to her proper seat beside her husband. Lance arrived moments later, with the girls trailing behind, plates of food stacked in their arms. 

“Got you a little something extra,” Catalina whispered as she slipped him his plate. “For compensation.”

“Apology accepted,” he whispered back, squinting at Keira, who only shrugged. Lance took his seat on the other side of the teen and the girls sat beside him, and everyone started on their food. The dancing continued around them as it was an open buffet, but they hardly paid them any mind. 

It wasn’t until the room got eerily quiet that Varian looked up, curiosity outweighing any hatred he had for these sorts of events. Most of the dancers had just stopped, staring at a pair in the center of the floor. For a second he couldn’t even tell what was strange about them, before he came to the shocking realization that they were _both men._

He’d watched Lance and Eugene dance before as a joke, but he didn’t think that was what this was. The two strangers were in the usual couple stance, one with his hands on the other’s waist. They had this… this _look_ in their eyes, that same look Rapunzel and Eugene always gave each other. Varian felt something twist in his chest at the sight of them, even as his brain stalled with confusion. 

Then they kissed, and his stomach erupted in the strangest feeling he’d ever experienced, like a million butterflies let loose, leaving him feeling oddly warm. He felt really weird, watching them act all lovey dovey, with his heart pounding in his chest. 

But then there was shouting, and guards broke through the increasingly frustrated crowd, breaking the two apart and guiding them out of the hall. And everything continued like it _hadn’t even happened._

“W-wha-?” Varian stuttered, watching their retreating figures. “What was that?”

“What was what?”

“Those two- guys can kiss?” Everyone was giving him funny looks, and he felt his face grow hot. He probably looked like an idiot, but he still felt really weird and _off._

“Why wouldn’t they be able to?” Rapunzel said with a shrug. “Love is love.”

“Well, not legally, no,” Eugene added on, sticking a vegetable with his fork.

“What’s that mean?” Varian felt his heart racing, throbbing in his ears. Why was he overreacting while everyone else seemed so unaffected?

“They can do whatever they want behind closed doors,” Eugene explained, gesturing with his fork. “All power to them. But the kingdom has laws against public displays like that. They’ll probably get off with a warning, but a second offense could mean a fine, and maybe jail time.”

“But what for?” He queried, beyond confused. “If they’re… if they’re ‘in love’?”

“Some people don’t think it’s natural,” Lance said, face shifting with distaste. “Guys kissing guys, girls kissing girls. It’s been against the law in Corona for generations.”

“Oh.” Varian felt a bit ill all of a sudden. _What was wrong with him?_ “Why?”

“Knowing royals, probably some king who got his heart broken by a man,” Eugene admitted, rolling his eyes. “Old laws like that usually come from some self-centered thing. But it doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon.”

“Right.” Varian rubbed his hand over his face, feeling the flushed surface of his cheeks against his bare palms (gloves were banned from balls because they didn’t go with the outfit). This was all so weird. He’d always kind of assumed that romance was just between a guy and a girl, but why _couldn’t_ it be different? It was still two people, two humans who loved each other. Logically speaking, it made sense. 

But then, why was everyone else reacting like it was some forbidden thing?

He spent the rest of the ball poking at his food, trying his hardest to ignore the weird feeling in his gut. He suddenly found it especially hard to look at any guys who walked past, now that all these thoughts and ideas were in the forefront of his mind, and had to glue his eyes to his plate. 

He thanked whatever forces were looking over him that he was scheduled to spend the next week with his dad, in the relative peace their Old Corona home provided. The capital was nice, but far too populated and confusing, and he just needed a break. He bid farewell to his friends with promise to return as always, before embarking on the trip home to his dad’s. 

He was in the fields with his father, pushing the cart along as Quirin harvested the pumpkins and loaded them in, when he decided he needed another opinion on the matter. 

“Hey Dad?” He began, trying not to sound too strained as he pushed the cart again, stopping right next to where his dad was digging into the earth. His father hummed in acknowledgment, cueing him to continue. “Did you… uh, did you know that guys can kiss?” The farmer chuckled, not looking away from the work of his hands. 

“I suppose,” he mused, tugging at the stem of the pumpkin. “Although, you haven’t wanted kissed goodnight since you were six.”

“Not like that!” Varian argued quickly, cheeks flushing bright red. “I mean like _dating._ Guys can like guys.” For a moment, the retired knight said nothing, and Varian’s stomach twisted into anxious knots. But then the tension left the man’s shoulders and he shrugged. 

“It’s rare, but it happens,” he explained casually, lifting the pumpkin from the dirt and setting it carefully on Varian’s pile, nearly obscuring his vision of the boy. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” the teen mumbled, rubbing at the back of his neck. “There was just- at the ball…” His father nodded in understanding. 

“I see. Did it bother you?”

“No!” Varian was grateful when his dad continued walking, missing the way his face colored like the apples in the orchard on the hill. “No, it didn’t bother me.” He hurried after, not struggling nearly as much as he used to with the cart. “Did you know it’s illegal?”

“I do.” Quirin kneeled against the earth again, feeling through the leaves. “I always thought it was a strange thing to dictate by law, but Frederic’s always been a strange man. And anyway, it wasn’t his law to begin with.”

“Is it illegal back home?” Varian asked, unable to curb his curiosity. “Your home? The Dark Kingdom?” His father paused, his face thoughtful. 

“I don’t believe so,” he admitted, scratching at his chin. “The kingdom has been well past its prime for some time now, but it never felt the need to try and meddle with such personal affairs. King Edmund always liked to encourage things he found unusual and bizarre. I think the Queen had a handmaiden who was involved with a woman, at one point.”

“Have you ever known anyone like that?”

“Not personally, no.” Quirin loaded on another pumpkin and rolled his shoulders out, towering over his son at full height. “Like I said, it’s rare. Not as common as you’d think for something written into Coronan law.” He patted the teenager’s head, ruffling his hair a bit, and offered him a smile. “It’s normal to be curious, especially for you.”

“Why for me?” Varian sputtered, eyes growing panicked and wide. 

“You’re such a naturally curious person!” His dad laughed, as though it was obvious, and Varian chuckled along nervously. 

“Yeah!”

“I think that’s enough for today,” Quirin decided, leading the way back to the house. “I really appreciated your help. And don’t worry about all that, I doubt it’ll come up again anytime soon.”

“Right, yeah,” Varian agreed, leaving the cart by the front steps and following after. “You’re, uh, you’re welcome. I like spending time with you.”

“Me too, son.” His dad clapped his back, fixing him with a proud smile. “You’re becoming a fine young man.”

“Thanks.” Varian’s smile was forced and weak, built on shaky foundations. He couldn’t help the anxiety tugging at his mind, mulling over all this information. 

It plagued him well into the night, leaving him staring at the cracked ceiling of his childhood bedroom. He didn’t think he’d be able to follow his father’s advice, this time around. He was worrying about it.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varian is a flustered gay disaster. 
> 
> And Eugene CERTAINLY isn’t helping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Team Awesome sprinkled into this chapter that is mostly just gay panic. 
> 
> Gosh Eugene is such a big brother in this it hurts.

* * *

  
Varian sat on the balcony overlooking the training grounds, his arms rested atop the railing and his legs slipped between the columns, kicking over the edge. Everyone else had something they needed to get done today, but he was, for once, free of any responsibilities. He’d tried tracking down Keira and Catalina, but the former thieves were wreaking havoc somewhere else, so he supposed he had the day to himself. And rather than do something productive, like getting a head start on some personal projects, he’d gotten… distracted. 

He _knew_ he wasn’t being a creep, because the maids tended to gather down below to do exactly what he was doing, but he couldn’t help feeling kind of awkward. Still, he couldn’t really pass up the opportunity. The guards were at practice this morning, dressed in tight fit shirts and doing various exercises, like lifting weights and climbing walls and the like. He’d really only been walking past, on his way to the library, but he’d glanced outside and, well, here he was. 

He was _totally_ a creep. 

There was a wistful look on his face, head rested between his folded arms as he just sat and watched. He wasn’t weak by any means, not after years of working with heavy metal machinery, but he didn’t have the kind of build and stamina they all had. Not only was he impressed, he was enthralled. They all had those perfectly chiseled arms, muscular and-

“Varian!” He _screamed,_ high pitched and not at all manly, jumping and knocking his chin against the railing. Cursing, he whipped around, eyes wide with terror, only to find _Eugene_ of all people, watching him with an amused expression. 

“Hey, some of the guys thought they saw you up here!” He greeted, crossing the space between them and crouching down beside him. “You know, you don’t have to just watch. You could actually _join_ us.”

“O-oh!” Varian stuttered, blood rushing to his cheeks and coloring in the space behind his freckles a bright red. “W-well, I-“

“C’mon, kid!” Eugene said cheerfully, clapping him on the back and unintentionally knocking him forward. “You could use a bit of outdoor time.” The alchemist struggled for a response, caught between the shock of being spotted and the need to remind his friend he grew up on a _farm._ In the end he just floundered, tripping over his words, and Eugene hoisted him up by the armpits, onto unsteady feet and forcing him to trail behind him. 

“Eugene!” He gasped, mouth finally catching up with his frantic brain. “I- I really don’t-“

“Nonsense!” The captain dismissed, dragging him along by his gloved hand. The man’s hold was gentle but firm- he couldn’t get away if he tried. “Most of the guys today are our younger guards- less experienced and not a lot older than you. You don’t have to worry about embarrassing yourself!”

“I’m not-“

“I’m sure I’ve got something you can wear, instead of your skirt there.” Varian cut off his excuse, mouth dropping with an offended scoff. 

“This is an _apron,”_ he snapped, looking absolutely scandalized. Eugene just laughed aloud, pulling him along down the stairs and into the training grounds. All around them, guards were working and sparring, a few pausing to look their way. Varian felt his face heat up, ducking his head so he didn’t accidentally make eye contact with anybody. Eugene guided him into the changing rooms and tossed him a uniform, ruffling his hair affectionately. 

“See you out there, champ!” Varian glared after him, trying his very hardest to burn a hole through the back of the man’s head with his eyes. It didn’t work, and Eugene traipsed out with a spring in his step, a stupid, smug grin plastered to his face. Varian groaned, collapsing down onto the floor in a pile of misery. He really should have just gone to the library. 

“Stupid Eugene,” he grumbled, unbuttoning his vest. He slipped it off over his head and moved onto his shirt, muttering under his breath. “Stupid guards. Stupid tight shirts.” He glared down at his exposed torso, embarrassingly thin and squishy. His arms had a bit of muscle to them, but abs weren’t a thing his gangly body had ever heard of. He was going to make a fool of himself. 

“I hate everything,” he huffed, pulling the training shirt over his head and ditching his trousers for the shorts Eugene had given him. Looking himself over afterward, he realized rather dejectedly that the shorts were too long, hanging down over his knees. He looked like a kid in them. 

He went out anyways, knowing there was no way he could hide forever. 

“Looking great, pal!” Eugene greeted when he spotted him, jogging over to meet him halfway. “But these’ll just get in the way.” The taller man snatched the goggles off his head and Varian squawked, jumping to take them back. Eugene just held them out of reach, enjoying all of this _way_ too much. “Relax! You can have them back afterwards. Besides, you’re not working with chemicals right now. If you get hit in the head, these things are gonna leave a nasty bruise.”

“I don’t _care,”_ Varian snapped, jumping and reaching again. Eugene tutted, hopping out of the way. 

“That’s not the right attitude,” he chastised. “You can have them back later.” Varian glared at him, full on, and his brother figure just smirked. 

“I hate your face.”

“I’ll have you know it’s a very popular face. Most people can’t get enough of this face.”

“Your smoulder’s stupid.”

“Now that’s too far.” Eugene adopted a fake scowl, standing to full height. “That’ll be laps, for you.” Varian scoffed, but Eugene didn’t budge or start laughing. 

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“You suck.” Eugene waved a hand in the direction of the track, dismissing him, and Varian rolled his eyes. He stuck his tongue out at the man, but relented, jogging over. The track was oval and level, but there was a climbing wall at the bend. He could feel the ache in his arms already. 

“Want me to time you?” Eugene called, a teasing tone to his voice. 

“No-“

“And _click!_ I’m timing you.” Varian whined, throwing his head back, but forced himself into motion. He fell into a brisk jog, knowing not to push himself too hard. Running wasn’t really his strong suit, unless it was running _away_ from something. 

He could feel the stares on his back from the guards, no doubt judging him for any number of things. He knew some of them still didn’t trust him. Most were probably laughing, watching the ‘royal nerd’ break into a sweat so easily. Everyone on the track passed him easily, some sending him pitying looks as they fell in line with him, before running ahead. 

When he reached the wall, he rested a hand against it, wheezing in a breath. This kind of exercise _really_ wasn’t his thing. With a huff, he reached one arm up, grabbing onto a small indent in the wall. Another stretched arm brought his feet off the dirt and up onto the wall. His limbs immediately started shaking from the exertion. A harsh breath whistled between his teeth, eyes squeezing shut, and he forced himself up another inch. He had to be able to do this one at the very least. It was the _easy_ one. 

“You okay, Blue?” His eyes snapped open, head turning to the side, and he found a set of hazel orbs watching him. There was a guard on the wall next to him. He wasn’t one he recognized from around the castle, with a head of chocolate brown curls and dimples at the edges of his soft smile.

Varian felt his face grow hot. 

“I- I-“ The guard just laughed, climbing up a bit further until he was just above Varian. Terribly distracted and flustered, the teen didn’t notice himself slipping until his foot fell from underneath him and he flew backwards, arms flailing frantically. He hadn’t gotten high enough for it to be a dangerous fall, but the impact with the ground still knocked the wind out of him, leaving him flat on his back and gasping for air. 

“Varian!” A shape appeared over him, and it took a couple blinks to clear his spinning head enough to make it out. Eugene was leaning into his vision, hands on his knees. He looked guilty. 

_Good._

“Shit, kid, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

_No duh._

“Here, Captain, let me help.” Another person leaned into his vision and he felt his cheeks burn again. The cute- the younger guard. He extended a hand and Varian’s brain stalled, staring at the appendage with something like awe. 

“Looks like you knocked a couple screws loose with that fall,” Eugene joked, but he sounded concerned. Varian gasped, face flushing with embarrassment this time, and he took the hand, pulling himself up. The guard was taller than him by quite a bit, almost as tall as Eugene, but he didn’t have an intimidating presence. He was… gentle. Kind. 

So very different from most of the guards Varian had had the displeasure of associating with over the years. 

“Th-thanks,” he stuttered, blue eyes wide and sparkling. 

“No problem,” the guard said with a shrug, smile practically shining in the afternoon sun. “Does anything hurt?” The taller boy placed his hands on Varian’s shoulders, holding him still to examine him, and the alchemist short circuited. He stared ahead with huge eyes, cheeks dusted a dark red, with his shoulders risen near to his ears. The guard must have not noticed, because he didn’t react, but his mouth was moving. Wait, his mouth was moving. What was he saying?

“N-no,” Varian managed, taking a wild guess at what he’d asked. “No, I’m fine. Thank you.” 

“Good.” The guard squeezed both his shoulders, then let go- _he felt so cold without the warmth of his touch-_ crossing his arms and glancing back at the climbing wall. “Maybe you’ll want to work a bit more on that. Don’t want a redo.” He winked, and Varian’s heart did the weird swooping thing. 

“Yeah,” he coughed, a tight grin plastering over his face. “Yeah, we wouldn’t want that. Ah, sorry.”

“It’s really no trouble.” The taller held a hand out, and it took the resident genius far too long to realize it was to shake. He grasped it with his own, ignoring how sweaty his palms were, and shook it firmly.

“Varian,” he provided, before kicking himself internally. _Everybody_ knew who he was, for better or for worse. But the boy just smiled. 

“Connor,” he replied, dipping his head in an almost bow. Varian pulled his hand back as soon as his grip loosened, tucking it close to his chest and ducking his head. Eugene’s hands rested on his arms not even a moment later. 

“C’mon, kid, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

He let his brother lead him away, eyes trained on the dirt. He could feel how tense Eugene was, even without looking at him. Was he worried after the fall? Or had he seen the dopey look on Varian’s face? Oh shit, did he know? Was he that obvious?!

“Sorry, Varian,” the captain said when they got back to the changing rooms. “I… I pushed you too hard.” The man helped him sit down on a chair then stepped back, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I just wanted to help you feel included. A bit of Team Awesome time, y’know?” 

Varian blinked up at him, face still flushed after that entire encounter. He managed to calm himself enough to flash a small smile, genuinely feeling touched at the idea. 

“I appreciate it,” he sighed. “Just, maybe next time, we can do something just the two of us. Without _all_ the guard watching.”

“It wasn’t _all-“_ Eugene cut himself off, seeing the look on the younger’s face. “You know what, yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“Next time, you get to pick, okay?” Varian laughed, leaning in when Eugene reached to ruffle his hair. 

“Mkay.” The hand in his hair moved to his forehead, almost hovering over it. He glanced up through his bangs at Eugene’s face. He still looked concerned. 

“You’re a bit warm. Are you coming down with something?” Oh. 

_If Zhan Tiri could come back and finish the job real quick, that’d be great._

“I-I’m fine,” Varian assured him, eyes darting to the side. Eugene didn’t look totally convinced, but he let it slide, patting his shoulder once more before strolling off. The moment he was back outside, Varian buried his burning face in his hands, groaning. 

This couldn’t be happening. It _couldn’t._ It was one thing to sit and watch the guards from afar. It was entirely something else to be a stuttering, blushing mess when talking to them. 

He just- he couldn’t like guys! Not only was it _not even legal,_ he didn’t like people! He didn’t do gushy crushes, or hopeless romanticism! He was a man of _science!_

But… the warmth of Connor’s hands on his shoulders had sent his stomach into somersaults. The way he looked at him, with those soft eyes, and that smile, it made his heart race. Science meant evidence, and all the evidence was pointing to one conclusion. 

_Oh, he was so screwed_.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Connor has actually existed longer than this fic. For those of you that have read my Rocks, Wolves, and the Moon series, you might remember when I asked if I should follow a plot line with a love interest, or Aunt Adira. Obviously I chose the latter, but Connor was the love interest I had planned! I actually had a bit written with him that I ended up archiving, but I had enough of a handle on his character that I didn’t want to just abandon him. He was shoved on a shelf, collecting dust, and now he is back. 
> 
> (Funny enough, he was a thief in those early drafts, and now he’s a guard. You either die in rejected plots, or you live long enough to become that which you despised, I suppose.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faced with promise of change, Varian finds himself even more confused than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in as many days?? What???

* * *

  
Varian was seeing more and more of that guard… Connor? _Connor._ Everywhere he went, he seemed to bump into those warm, hazel eyes, and that dimpled smile.

_Shut up._

He was beginning to think the universe was against him. 

The one bright side to all of this was that, with the reconstruction of the kingdom still in full swing, everyone was far too preoccupied to notice. Not once had anyone questioned his strange behavior. In fact, no one really had much time for him at all, if he was being honest. But that was okay! He understood. He was busy himself, so he could hardly hold it against them. 

So he was mildly surprised when Rapunzel herself was the one to wake him this morning, rushing him through his wake up routine (roll out of bed, whine, then lay back down for an hour) and dragging him out the door with promise of a pancake breakfast. She was chattering vibrantly, clearly awake for a while already, and his hand was trapped in her impressively strong grip. He didn’t speak up much on their way to the gardens, still half-asleep, but he tried his best to listen. They hadn’t had many opportunities to talk, lately, so the least he could do was pay attention while she caught him up. 

“C’mon,” she giggled, tugging him along. “Everybody’s waiting for us outside!”

“Everybody?” He yawned, squinting at her through the haze of lingering sleep. She was especially cheery this morning. He wasn’t sure if that should be a good omen or a bad one.

_There wasn’t a surprise party outside, was there?_

“Yep,” she confirmed, popping the _‘p’._ “And let me just say, it was a _hassle_ getting you all together. Who knew how busy everybody could be?”

“You’re the princess,” Varian deadpanned, but he did hurry his pace a little. “Eugene’s the Captain of the Guard. Lance and the girls are… I don’t even _know_ what. It’s understandable that it might be a little difficult to sync up everyone’s schedules.”

“The girls have actually started training with the guard,” Rapunzel recalled. “Lance won’t let them officially join, even with all their experience, but I’ve heard they’ve been great at it. They also seem to love it.”

“Huh.” Lately, the guard had just made him think of _him._ That was exactly where his mind strayed to now. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted brown curls sticking out of beneath a guard helmet. His pace caught up into a near sprint, suddenly pulling the princess behind him instead. She just laughed, oblivious to his panic. 

“Hey, you two!” Eugene greeted them when they arrived, pecking his wife on the cheek when she sat beside him and ruffling Varian’s hair as he passed. The boy ducked just a second too late, but managed to swat the hand hard enough to get an audible reaction. “I was beginning to worry all of this wonderful food would go to waste.”

“Oh, it wasn’t going to waste,” Lance chuckled, already reaching to start forking pancakes onto his plate. Keira stole one from underneath his arm, but a skillful stab with his utensil had it back in his possession before long. 

“Sorry to drag you out of bed before noon,” Eugene apologized, giving the resident teenager a sympathetic look. Varian just huffed, pushing his seat in more and folding his arms on the table. He rested his chin within them, watching tiredly as his brother loaded his plate for him. 

“You look like a zombie,” Catalina observed from beside him, shorter legs kicking underneath the table. “What did you stay up all night doing this time?”

_Daydreaming._

“Writing equations,” he answered, knowing that was the easiest way to curb their curiosity. People loved to hear about his experiments, but the math that came beforehand? They’d come up with a reason to change the subject faster than he could even blink. 

“Lame,” Keira grunted, frowning down at the pile in front of her, smaller than her father’s. Lance didn’t even look a little remorseful. 

“Ah, leave him be,” he chastised, his signature lazy smile on his face. “It’s all that nerd stuff that leads to the cool things, like hot showers and explosives.”

“I don’t like showers.”

“The explosives aren’t on purpose!”

The two raven haired children argued at the same time, then turned their gazes to each other. Keira’s glare was annoyed, while Varian just looked exasperated. 

“Those fireworks were pretty fantastic,” Lance continued, oblivious to the fire he was igniting. Varian’s scandalized face turned to him. 

“That was the rooster, and it wasn’t _supposed to blow up!”_

“But it did. And it was amazing.” Eugene grabbed Varian before he could launch himself across the table. The fate of… quite a few of Varian’s inventions… was still a sensitive subject. It would probably be better if Lance was at least a _little_ apologetic. 

“I’m sure everyone would like to just enjoy breakfast,” the Captain intervened, fixing his best friend with a warning look. 

“We worked _very_ hard on it,” Rapunzel added, winking. That made everyone pause. 

“Wait,” Varian said, brow furrowing as he glanced down at his pancakes. “You two made all this?” The royal couple exchanged a look, and Eugene shrugged. 

“Well I mean, we had the morning off,” he answered vaguely. “So why not?”

“Can’t we just make breakfast for our best friends?” Their guests exchanged looks, varying amounts of confusion and suspicion amongst them. 

Varian was sure of one thing. They were leaving something out. 

“I guess so,” he replied, watching them skeptically. Rapunzel was pushing food around her plate, almost vibrating with energy. Eugene was wearing a stupid grin he’d only just noticed had been there almost the entire time they’d been out here. 

_Something was up._

“Is there something we should know about?” Lance prompted, for once acting like the grownup he was, instead of leaving it to the 12 and 17 year olds. Again, the couple looked at each other. 

Rapunzel, predictably, was the first one to crack. 

“Maybe,” she answered cryptically, biting her lip. Eugene followed soon after, wiping at his face to try to hide the smile that was threatening to give whatever it was away. 

“And?” Lance asked hesitantly. Varian held his breath, suddenly worried. He was already thinking of all the things that could bring them to react like this. 

“And we-“

“We’re-“

Husband and wife both giggled, fulfilling every sappy cliche known to man, and somehow the dread in Varian’s stomach grew worse. 

The pair had a silent conversation with their eyes, most likely to fight over who got to spill whatever secret they were keeping. Rapunzel must have won, because she turned back to them with barely concealed glee, and declared:

“We’re having a baby!”

* * *

_“We’re having a baby!”_

The announcement had elicited nothing but excitement and joy from the others. The girls had jumped up and down, Lance had _squealed._ The adults had fallen into a discussion of _‘oh, how far along are you?’_ and _‘lots of responsibility, but we’re ready.’_ But Varian had just… sat there. Frozen. He’d eventually forced out his own congratulations, but it hadn’t been entirely genuine. 

He was excited for them, because _of course_ he was excited for them. They were meant to be parents. It was clear from their absolute radiance as they’d discussed it that they were ecstatic, and he couldn’t be happier for them. 

Eugene had pulled him aside afterward, asking him to be the Godfather. He should be as excited as they were. And he _was,_ he was!

He just couldn’t help but feel like he’d lost something. 

_Because if they were busy before, they’d be completely unavailable now._

He’d left them hours ago, after stuttering out a ‘yes’ and getting a bone crushing hug from Rapunzel. He was out in the garden again, this time with the moon peeking over the horizon. A blank sketch pad sat in his lap, untouched by the pencil clenched tightly in his grasp. 

He needed to do something with his hands, to let his mind wander and get lost, but he couldn’t get past the barrier that was his ever rampant anxieties. 

“If I may,” came a voice, and Varian spun around so quickly that the pencil fell and rolled across the stone walkway. Someone leaned down to pick it up, then made their way over. _Connor._ Somehow, he couldn’t find it in him to be more than a little flustered. “I know some better scenery than this, if you’re looking for inspiration.”

“Just trying to clear my head,” he answered vaguely, accepting the pencil back and turning around again. The clanking of metal boots against stone followed, and he caught a glint of gold out of the corner of his eye. He threw caution to the wind and looked up, making eye contact with the taller boy. He was just standing there, a startling amount of understanding in his eyes. He extended his hand, saying nothing else. 

Varian accepted it after only a moment’s hesitation, pulling himself up and tucking the sketch pad under his arm. He let the guard lead him back into the castle, eyes glued to where their hands were intertwined. Eventually, after _far_ too many stairs, they were in front of a window. Connor stepped out, finding his footing on the ledge outside, then helped him out, guiding him along the edge. Varian tried not to focus on how high up they were.

“There,” Connor said gently, helping him find purchase on the roof then sitting down. Varian shakily sat down beside him, staring out at the horizon. He could see so much more of the sky up here, with the sun disappearing behind him and the moon riding ahead, painting it a million different colors. The kingdom looked so _small_ from up here. 

“Thanks,” he said breathlessly, eyes wide with wonder. He’d never been great with heights, with his not so good history of being dropped off of things. But here, perched on the roof of one of the higher towers, with Connor sitting right beside him, he felt… safe. All his worries were stories below him. Up here, it was just them, the stars, and the sun and moon. Back in the sky, where they rightfully belonged. 

“No problem. It looked like you needed this.” He felt his eyes on him, but it didn’t break the spell their surroundings had created. (Tiredly, he wondered whether it was the thinner air.) 

“I did,” he sighed, looking down at the paper in his lap. Pencil met paper, and he sketched out a single line. 

“I know it’s not my place,” Connor began, still watching him, but facing out toward the horizon. “But… if you wanted to talk about it, I’ve been told I’m a great listener.” Varian let out a shaky laugh, making another line on the page. 

“No, yeah,” he mumbled, eyes glued to the work of his hands. “I guess I’m just… confused.”

“About?”

“Everything?” He huffed, making a thicker, harsher line. “Feelings, I guess? I just found something out that I should feel _ecstatic_ about, but instead, I’m having a pity party.” Connor didn’t say anything, waiting patiently for him to continue. “My friends, they’re going to get something amazing, and all I can think about is how everything’s going to change.”

“Sometimes change can be good.”

“Yeah,” he quipped sarcastically, glaring out at a bright star. “I’ve heard that spiel before. And I mean, it’s true, but that doesn’t mean it’s not _hard._ Change is hard. It’s painful. They’re going to have something new, and start the next phase of their lives, and I’m going to lose them.” His glare withered and he stared down at his paper, fighting back the sudden burning behind his eyes. He would not cry. Not in front of the guy he liked. 

How funny it was that that was the least of his concerns at the moment. 

“How are you so sure you’ll lose them?”

“They’re already ridiculously busy to begin with. This- this is going to take up all of their attention, all of their time. They might _say_ they’ll make time for me, but I know that when the time comes, I’ll be the least of their priorities.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “I have to be the most selfish person there is.”

“You’re allowed to have feelings,” Connor argued. “You’re allowed to be upset, even if you feel like you shouldn’t. And even if it’s selfish, that’s fine. Sometimes, it’s okay to be a little selfish.”

“...no it isn’t,” Varian argued softly, eyes squeezing shut. “Not for me.” 

When he was selfish, bad things happened. People got hurt. 

“Hey.” A hand on his shoulder made him flinch, but the other boy was undeterred. A second hand rested beneath his chin, swiveling his head so they were facing each other. “It doesn’t hurt anybody to be honest with yourself about your feelings. Selfishness isn’t always a bad thing.”

“But-“

“Blue, you’re not a bad person for being upset. It’s a natural response to change. Nothing’s wrong with you.”

_Oh, if only he knew just how many things were wrong with him._

“I-“ Movement cut him off, and suddenly he didn’t know what was going on. His brain had short circuited, shut off. He was stiff, eyes wide and hands raised to… he didn’t know what. All he knew was that the other boy had closed the space between them, and their lips were touching. 

_Or, maybe, he did know one thing wrong with him._

Maybe it wasn’t so wrong. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Varian’s wake up routine is based on my own. I wanted an accurate reaction to mornings from a nocturnal, sleep-deprived teenager.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay children sneak off together and have deep conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three for three I’m on a roll. 
> 
> (Homework isn’t done, sleep is low)
> 
> On a ROLL I say.

* * *

  
The castle was abuzz with excitement. A royal baby. A royal baby! It was all anyone was talking about. The kitchen staff, the maids in the halls. Corona was notorious for gossip, and this was no exception. The entire castle knew by the next day, and the kingdom the day after.

One thing they most certainly did _not_ know, Varian thought smugly, was that he had his own little secrets. Or rather, one big secret. His boyfriend.

Varian had a boyfriend.

It was dangerous, and terrifying, and _exhilarating._ As he slipped out of his room in the early morning, bound for a destination beyond the castle for once, he couldn’t help the spring in his step. Because not only did he have a boyfriend- he had a _date._

He’d wondered after their kiss on the roof if it would lead anywhere. As enchanting as the moment had been, he wasn’t stupid. Connor was a guard, and the law very specifically forbade same sex relationships. Part of him had brushed it off as a spur of the moment thing… at least until the other boy had brushed his hand against his when they’d passed in the hallway the next day. 

It had been a couple weeks of that- of just sending each other looks and brushing up against each other in passing, and now it was time for a date. A real one. Or at least, as real as a secret, nobody can know it’s a date-date could be. He was in a hurry this morning, anxious to get there as quickly as possible. 

So of course, not really paying attention, he had to run into the topic of all the gossip herself. 

“Rapunzel!” He cried, staggering back in his attempt to avoid an actual collision. She caught his hand before he could fall, hoisting him back onto steady feet. She looked a tad disheveled this morning, with her hair all askew and faint bags under her eyes. Concern spiked in his heart, but before he could question it, she was surging into an energetic conversation. 

“Varian!” She greeted happily. “Where are you off to this morning?”

“Oh, you know,” he answered vaguely, averting his gaze to a vase to their right. “Just have to pick up some things in town.”

“That sounds lovely!” She fixed him with an exaggeratedly bright grin, and he caught a glimpse of just how tired she really was. “Would you like some company?” 

“No offense, Raps,” he chuckled. “But I’d rather _not_ have an entire battalion with me while I’m picking up books and chemicals.”

“We can go right now!” She protested. “We don’t have to wait and ask my father for permission. Let’s just slip out the front door- easy!” She took his hand and went to start off down the hall, but he dug his heels into the rug. 

“I’d also prefer not to be charged with kidnapping another member of the royal family,” he added, not entirely joking. The pout he got from his honorary sister made him feel bad, at least, but he couldn’t be her accomplice. Not today. He took her hands in his, giving them a light squeeze. “Raps, I get it. I’ve heard about all the new restrictions your father’s put in place for you, and I’m sorry. I feel for you. But we can’t just sneak around and expect to get away with it. That’s… it’s a childish notion. And he’s not entirely wrong for being concerned with your safety.”

“I’m not made of glass,” she huffed, her eyes misting a bit with the declaration. “He won’t even let me leave the castle.”

“Okay, _that’s_ a little extreme,” he agreed, glaring over her shoulder in the general direction of the throne room. He looked back to her, and his heart tugged. She was wiping at her eyes, ducking her head as she sniffled. _Shoot. Maybe Connor wouldn’t mind if he-_

No. 

He took his sister by the shoulders, gently, and leaned a bit closer to whisper in her ear. 

“Not today, but later. Tomorrow, the day after. Just come and find me, and we’ll get out of here for a couple hours.”

“Thank you,” she whispered back, slipping out of his grasp to give him a hug. He returned it carefully, still hesitant to apply full force, but she tightened her hold around his neck and he sunk into the hug. Neither of them seemed to want to be the first one to break it, so he pulled away first, still mindful of his needing to get somewhere. Rapunzel looked a bit more relaxed now, her posture not as tense. She gave him a grateful smile. “Have fun in town.”

“I’ll bring you back something,” he promised, and then she was waving him off as he continued down the hallway. Once she was out of view, he sped up a little. 

_Frederic, that bastard._

He could understand the overprotectiveness, to a certain degree. Rapunzel had been stolen away as a child, he was traumatized, he didn’t want something like that to happen again, yada yada. But house arrest?

That seemed to be his go-to solution for things. 

Letting out a harsh breath, Varian stepped out into the morning sun, hopping down the front steps and out into the courtyard, then into the streets. They weren’t as busy this early, but they would be soon. Vendors were freshly opened on all sides, speaking with the few who were out for morning shopping. 

Nervously, he scanned the area, wondering if he’d gotten the time wrong. 

“Hey.” He spun around, only to come almost nose to nose with his b- _boyfriend._

“Hey,” he greeted, stepping back as his face burned red. Connor laughed, eyes twinkling, and Varian felt his heart race. He was dressed in a nice maroon vest and a white undershirt, with buttons that matched his eyes. “Y-you look really nice.”

“Thanks.” He smiled down at the shorter boy, who wore a teal vest instead of his usual apron. “So do you.”

“Thanks,” Varian almost whispered, ducking his head as the blush spread to his ears. _Gosh, he probably looked so stupid right now._

“Come on,” Connor said, waving his hand as he started down the street, Varian following eagerly. They fell in line beside each other, despite their height difference, and the alchemist couldn’t help the excitement building in his chest. _Holy crap holy crap holy crap._

He was seriously on a date right now!

As they walked, Connor’s finger brushed against his, interlocking their pinkies. Varian’s eyes grew wide, unsure of what to do. Did he let him keep it like that, or did he take his hand? What did he-

Across the way, the clerk manning a booth locked eyes with him. 

Varian’s hand retracted as though burned, wrapping across his chest to cling to his other arm. 

Without a word between them, the two separated by an inch or two, still in tandem but with more space between them. Varian chanced a glance at Connor. He looked… hurt. 

_But they had to hide it. They didn’t have the freedom to hold hands in public._

Varian suddenly felt a bit ill. His pace fell behind his boyfriend’s, eyes trailing the dirt road beneath his feet. 

Eventually, they stopped, and he found the strength to look up again. Connor was smiling at him, like nothing had happened at all. He accepted the out, smiling back, and followed behind him as he approached Attila’s. 

“Evening, Varian,” the ex-crook greeted upon their arrival, waving a mittened hand. Varian waved back, taking the lead for once. He liked Attila. He’d always been one of the gentler, sweeter patrons of the Snuggly Duckling. And he’d had plenty of time to get to know all of them, whether he wanted to or not, what with the bar being Rapunzel’s favorite place to go. 

That was one of his favorite things about the princess. All of her friends were ex-crooks, cons, and criminals. It made Fred’s vein throb at his temple. 

“What can I getcha for?”

“Well,” he began, looking back at Connor. 

“Got any specials?”

* * *

They exited the sweet shop minutes later with a handful of goodies, and a cupcake Varian had asked for in a hushed whisper. Attila had been all too glad to help him sneak sweets back to the princess, handing over her favorite on the house. It was held safely in Varian’s free hand, wrapped in a little present box. 

“Where are we going?” Varian asked as they crossed the bridge from the capital, making a conscious effort not to squash any of their goodies. He’d traveled this road hundreds of times, maybe thousands, but he’d never been this nervous before. He still didn’t entirely know what he was supposed to do. What did Rapunzel and Eugene usually do on dates? 

Well, they usually treated every moment together like a date, he supposed. They were always touching at least somewhere- whether it was holding hands, or resting their feet against each other under the table. When they sat next to each other, she’d lean her head on his shoulder, and they’d whisper and giggle as though there was nobody else in the room. 

_So, physical contact._

Eyes darting over his shoulder, he realized there was nobody else around. They were, for the time being, alone. 

Ever so slowly, he moved a bit closer. When Connor didn’t move away, he copied his motion from earlier, brushing their hands against each other. The taller boy looked over to him, seeming a little surprised, but it melted into a kind smile. He took the offering and slipped Varian’s hand into his own, giving it a light squeeze. 

Varian turned his head to the side, clearing his throat, and hoped very much that he hadn't seen the way his face had lit up like a tomato. The laughter that followed said he had. 

“You’re adorable,” he chuckled, and Varian felt his face heat up even _more._

“Thanks,” he coughed, forcing his gaze back up to those beautiful eyes. “You too.” Connor only laughed more, and he realized how ridiculous of a response that was. 

_Why was he so awkward? He took over a kingdom when he was_ 14\. 

“S-so,” he stuttered, refocusing on the road ahead of them. 

“So,” Connor parroted. An awkward silence hung in the air. Floundering, Varian looked to the contents of their arms. Connor was carrying a little baggy of sweets, and Varian had the cupcake. Not much of a conversation starter. 

“What’s your favorite dessert?” He asked anyways, turning so he faced him. Connor raised an eyebrow, but seemed to realize his attempt, because he fell back into that easy smile. 

“Well, I’ve always been partial to pie,” he admitted. “Back when I was little, my mom made it all the time. Birthdays, holidays, visits from _literally_ anybody. I know that’s kinda silly, and cliche, but pie is kinda like home to me.” Varian smiled, trying to picture a younger Connor with a faceless mother. 

“No, it’s sweet,” he insisted. He wracked his brain, trying to come up with a similar story. But he didn’t have anything that made him think of his mother. “I, uh, I don’t remember much about my mom. My dad says she was an awful cook, though. She was into alchemy, like me, but she never really got into the culinary aspects. Nearly burned down the house a few times.” Connor laughed along with him.

“Is she gone?”

“Left when I was a baby,” Varian recalled, bearing the tone of someone who wasn’t necessarily sad, but reflecting on what might have been. “She died while she was away. At least, that’s what we were told.” A silence fell over them. 

“I haven’t seen my mom in a while,” Connor admitted in almost a whisper. Varian looked up at him, and was startled to see a resigned sadness on his boyfriend’s face. “I was… 15, maybe 14. It was just the two of us- my dad was never in the picture- but we were fine on our own.” He sucked in a breath, and Varian found himself holding his own. “She, uh, she found out about the whole… liking guys thing. Didn’t say anything to me after. And then the next morning, she had all the papers signed, and I was being shipped off to guard training.” He blew out harshly, staring ahead of him. “She didn’t say anything to me. Didn't say goodbye. Didn’t even watch me leave. She just went right back inside, like I didn’t even exist.”

“I’m so sorry,” Varian whispered, tears collecting on his lower lashes. 

He’d been so worried about the bigger picture, about being _literally arrested_ for just _loving_ somebody, but he hadn’t even thought about that. What would his dad say, if he knew? Was that all it took to lose a parent’s love?

His heart clenched in his chest, sending a stab of pain through his nervous system. He didn’t know _what_ he’d do without his dad. 

“It’s in the past, Blue,” Connor dismissed, squeezing their still interlocked hands. “I imagine she’s proud of me, now. I’m a guard. It’s what she wanted.”

“Right.” All Varian could think of was Quirin in his mother’s place. Quirin, ignoring him like he was the scum of the earth. Quirin, sending him away without even a goodbye. 

_He’d rather die than lose his dad again._

“Don’t look so down,” Connor said gently, pulling them both to a halt. “I didn’t mean to make you upset. I’m sorry.”

“No no no!” Varian said quickly. “You’re fine. I’m… I’m glad you told me. That can’t have been easy.”

“Yeah, well, I trust you,” he admitted, half shrugging. Varian felt the anxiety give way to that gushy feeling, and a small smile made its way onto his face. Connor turned to his left, then back to him, holding his hand out. “Danish?”

“ _God,_ yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connor: does literally anything  
> Varian: *becomes human tomato* oh shit that’s right I’m gay im very gay
> 
> It wouldn’t be one of my fics if we didn’t hate on Freddy at least a little. <3
> 
> Had to mix in some freckle siblings because I love them and they haven’t had enough attention thus far. 
> 
> (Oh also yeah I’m giving the boy a backstory because y’all love him so much.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go for a walk, New Dream interrupts, and Team Awesome discusses the ultimate complicated subject: dads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay in updating! I hit major writer’s block for this chapter. Rest assured, the next few are already planned out! This was the sort of in between chapter where I just had no idea what to do with it...
> 
> Planning on releasing some extra content with the next chapter so like be hyped

* * *

  
The halls of the castle were scarcely lit, the moon’s rays shining through the windows and providing the only light. Everyone was in bed at this time of night, except guards on duty and the stray royal. Luckily for the two figures walking alone, they were well versed in the guard rotations, and where the royal family tended to spend their time. 

It was just them, walking down the halls with their hands intertwined. 

Connor was going on about his day, recalling an encounter with a petty thief who’d tried to rob the apple stand, and Varian was just listening, nodding along every once in a while. His head was rested against his boyfriend’s bicep, only standing as tall as his shoulders when upright. This was his happy place. Just being in the other’s presence. They’d begun to loosen up just a tad, actually interacting on a daily basis, but affection and touch were reserved for the shadows. 

Which was… difficult. Varian wanted to be able to hold his boyfriend’s hand when out in public. He wanted to lean into his touch, to sit by each other on the couch and soak in each other’s warmth. He wanted to give him a quick kiss (and not get flustered so easily) in front of his friends and family. He wanted them to know. 

It  _ killed  _ him to keep it a secret from them. 

But they couldn’t. Just the other day, the couple from the ball had been arrested. They’d been out in town, just  _ holding hands.  _ One of the older guards had spotted them, and they’d been apprehended by at least half a dozen more. They were currently in the dungeons, separated by layers of stone and bars. 

As much as he hated keeping this from everyone, he couldn’t lose Connor. He couldn’t go back down there.  _ He couldn’t do that to everyone. Not again.  _

__ “What’s on your mind?” Connor asked softly, stirring him from his spiraling thoughts. 

“Oh, nothing,” he dismissed, nuzzling a bit closer to his boyfriend. Neither said anything for a moment, just walking in tandem, until Connor’s free hand reached to rub Varian’s exposed shoulder. 

“You and I both know your mind never has  _ nothing  _ on it,” he countered. “You’re always thinking.” Varian huffed out a laugh. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he agreed. Connor hummed, patiently waiting for him to share what he was thinking about. “I just… I dunno. Was thinking about how nice it would be to be able to do this in the daylight.” Silence hovered in the air, and Varian worried that he’d said something wrong, but Connor’s warm voice broke through soon after. 

“We could,” he hummed, and Varian nearly tripped over his own feet in his surprise. 

“What?”

“We could,” Connor repeated, a contemplative look on his face. Varian let out an uncomfortable laugh. 

“I  _ wish, _ ” he whispered. “But it’s- it’s illegal. It’s against the law. We could be fined,  _ arrested.  _ I couldn’t- I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Blue, in the grand scheme of things, the law means nothing,” he argued, sounding like he’d put an awful lot of thought into it. “It’s ridiculous. Does anything about our relationship feel malicious or evil to you?” Varian hesitated, tongue feeling a bit sluggish in his mouth. 

“Well no, of course not.”

“Then maybe the law is wrong.”

“Well yeah,” Varian found himself snorting. “Of course it is. A lot of laws around here are wrong. But it doesn’t mean we can just disregard them. There are consequences.”

“Are the consequences really worth pretending we don’t care about each other?” Their pace slowed, eyes meeting. Connor’s were filled with a desperate sadness. But Varian had to think logically. He couldn’t let feelings get in the way of fact. It had ended badly far too many times for him. 

“It’s worth sacrificing those moments in the open, if we can have these ones to ourselves.” He squeezed his boyfriend’s hand, sending him an encouraging smile. Connor looked like he wanted to argue, opening his mouth to do just that, but-

“Varian!” The shorter boy leapt away from the taller, arms flying to wrap around himself. Connor hardly moved at all, watching him go with a forlorn expression. And right in front of them, having emerged from a door to the right, was the royal couple. Rapunzel was beaming, radiant as always even in her powder blue nightgown that draped over her small baby bump. Eugene had an arm wrapped around her, at ease and content to see them so late at night. They didn’t sense anything amiss about the two teenagers, alone in the dark hallways, nor did they notice the deep blush on Varian’s face. 

_ If they weren’t so oblivious, Varian would have been toast a long time ago.  _

__ “Hey!” He greeted, voice cracking. Rapunzel broke free from her husband’s arms in order to trap her brother with her own, squeezing him in a bone crushing hug. Varian returned it much softer, hardly able to move his arms with how tightly hers were holding him. 

“What are you doing out and about the castle so late?” She inquired, finally breaking free and giving way to a tad of confusion. “Not spending all night awake again, are you?”

“No, I-“

“Oh, hey,” Eugene said suddenly, eyes focused on the second boy. “Connor, right?”

“Yes, sir,” he confirmed, back straight and face blank. 

“You’re not stationed for night duty,” the Captain recalled, regarding the teen curiously. “What are you doing here?”

“He’s with me!” Varian interrupted quickly, and all eyes shifted to him. Panicking, his face flushed again, gaze darting between them. “H-he’s my friend. We were heading to the- the library. He was gonna help me with some research.” There was a moment of tense silence, where Varian’s heart pounded so hard it might break free of his chest. But to his surprise, both royals exchanged a look of glee. 

“That’s great!” Rapunzel exclaimed, quickly moving to hug a startled Connor. 

“It’s good to know he has friends his age,” Eugene agreed, nodding to the boy with a smile. “Hairstripe here has never been the most social.”

“He’s a great guy,” Connor assured them, much better at keeping his cool than his boyfriend. Varian ducked his head, feeling his cheeks flare again. 

_ They had to be blind to not have figured him out by now.  _

__ Rapunzel gasped, tapping Eugene’s shoulder excitedly, wearing a face that never meant anything good. 

“Oh, you’ll have to help me plan his party!” She insisted, grinning at Connor, who looked to Varian with a look of concealed confusion. 

“Party?”

“His birthday party!” She elbowed her brother, winking. “He’s turning 18- a proper adult!”

“Seems only yesterday he was a dorky little 14 year old who fainted at the sight of blood,” Eugene reminisced, and Varian only drew further into himself, covering his face with a hand. 

“I  _ still _ faint at the sight of blood,” he mumbled, glaring half-heartedly at Eugene through his bangs. No one reacted to his comment, all distracted by their own perception of the moment and hardly paying attention to his growing embarrassment and anxiety. Connor was watching him out of the corner of his eye, looking like he wanted nothing more than to take his hand and hold him close, but Varian stayed as small as possible, hands tucked under his armpits. He just needed this to be over. 

To his growing horror, the princess took his boyfriend by the hand, leading him away. He floundered, nearly going to follow, but Eugene slipped an arm around his shoulders and stopped him. If his heart could drop anymore, it just had. He watched Connor go, and he looked over his shoulder, making eye contact. 

Then they were around the corner, Rapunzel’s voice trailing off down the hall. Leaving him alone with Eugene- the much more observant of the two royals. 

_ Shit.  _

__ “I didn’t know you had any friends.” The jab took him by surprise and Varian gaped at him, brow furrowing. 

“O- _ ouch. _ ” Eugene chuckled, mussing up his hair. 

“I jest,” he teased. “You’re a very likeable social shut in.”

“Again,  _ ouch. _ ”

“He’s a good kid,” the man continued, adopting a more sincere look. “From what I’ve learned about him, anyway.”

“He’s great,” Varian agreed, sighing dreamily, before remembering exactly who he was talking to. Eugene didn’t seem to have noticed. 

_ He was cutting it real freaking close here.  _

“It’s good to see you branching out,” Eugene complimented. “You’ve seemed a little withdrawn lately. Sunshine and I were getting worried.”

“You were?” Varian felt a little bad, now. He’d been assuming nobody noticed his secrecy, since they clearly didn’t notice any of what had just happened. He supposed he hadn’t been entirely right. 

“And I get it,” the Captain assured him, raising his hands placatingly. “Teenagers need their space. It was just… sudden. We were worried something happened.”

“Nothing happened,” Varian insisted, relaxing a bit to show he was serious. “I’m sorry. I’ve just- I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Trust me, kid, we all have.” Both boys laughed, and the tension left Varian’s shoulders. 

_ Connor would probably be fine.  _

__ “How’s that going?” He asked, watching as Eugene leaned against the wall. The man looked tired, but happy. He hadn’t  _ stopped  _ looking happy, lately. That seemed to be a universal theme throughout the castle. 

“Only a little over half a year left,” he recalled, eyes twinkling. “Rapunzel’s healthy, and so is the kid. It’s- it’s going  _ great. _ ” Varian smiled, joining him against the wall and crossing his arms. He was a little beyond Eugene’s shoulder, now. 

“You guys are gonna be great parents,” he said, feeling light as the conversation drifted to safe,  _ exciting  _ territory. With Connor, he’d gotten over his initial fears of being left behind and forgotten. After all, between his secret relationship and their preparing for the baby, they’d already stopped spending as much time together. He was used to it at this point.

“It’s crazy,” Eugene began, simultaneously star-struck and jittery. “We didn’t plan on it this early, but here we are. This time next year, we’ll have a little mini us running around.”

“Well, they won’t be running around  _ yet, _ ” Varian countered, but there was no snark in his tone. “Pretty sure kids don’t start running until at least after their first birthday.”

“Your dad told me you didn’t run until you were already two,” Eugene teased. “Said you were content to just waddle around and sit still.”

“Of course he did.” The elder chuckled at the look on his face, before trailing off with a sigh. He stared at the wall opposite them, smile still on his face, but eyes distant. 

“I kind of just wish I had more experience with… you know, family stuff. Both Rapunzel and I- we didn’t exactly have your average nuclear family. She only met her parents when she was 18, and my dad  _ still  _ doesn’t hang around very long aside from the occasional visit. I don’t really know a whole lot about being a dad.” Varian hummed. 

“You’ve got the patience and the kindness for it,” he stated. At the look on his brother’s face, he got a little more serious. “No, really. You’ve always been really great with kids, and you’re one of the only people I know who can put up with me  _ and  _ the girls at the same time without looking like you’re about to lose your mind. You’re good at listening, and you like helping.” He thought back to his own dad, trying to come up with more fatherly attributes. 

“You’re approachable,” he continued. “You never make people feel like they’re boring you. You’re not dismissive. You make sure people feel seen and appreciated.” He trailed off, heart squeezing in his chest. He could feel Eugene’s eyes on him, and met them with a small smile. “Any kid would be lucky to have you as a dad.” 

“Thanks, Varian,” Eugene said sincerely, pulling him into a side hug. “That means a lot.” 

“No, uh, no problem,” Varian returned, eyes trained to the side to hide the slight mist that was collecting in them. Eugene patted his back, giving him a reassuring smile. Once he was sure the teen wouldn’t break down or anything, he stood up straight, offering him his hand.

“Now come on,” he said, his usual easy tone returning to his voice. “Let’s go save your boyfriend from my wife.”

“Yea- wait what?!” Varian’s face went white as a sheet, staring at his friend with wide eyes. Eugene burst out laughing. 

“Relax!” He exclaimed. “I’m just teasing.”

“O-oh,” Varian stuttered, face once again turning bright red. “R-right.”

“But seriously,” the man said eventually, laughter dying down. “I’d like her to get  _ some  _ sleep tonight, so we should probably go put an end to the party planning.”

“S-sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not Quirin hate! We love Quirin! And he’s trying now, which is great!
> 
> But finally acting like a dad when your son is already almost an adult doesn’t make up for years of neglect, so... Team Awesome are the leading experts on father issues. 
> 
> (Lol isn’t it funny how sometimes I struggle so much with writing couples that I seriously just send Rapunzel in to separate them? She’s a lifesaver. And a great plot device. Also sorry.)
> 
> Tangled is literally a show about parenting problems. That’s it. Every character has been screwed up by their parents. It’s why we love them. 
> 
> Are y’all hyped for the next chapter cuz I’m hyped it’s the one I’ve been waiting to write since the beginning I’m so hyped also sorry in advance haha


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say life is full of ups and down. Turns out, love is too. 
> 
> And some downs can be really, really low.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS THE ONE I’VE BEEN WARNING ABOUT! This is the transition into some of the darker themes of this story, and as such needs to be taken very seriously and also read with caution. There will be a break in the story, and if you’re not comfortable with the potentially triggering topics I’ve added in the tags then I’d advise you to skip that section.

* * *

  
Varian woke to soft lips against his. Humming sleepily, he leaned forward into the kiss, and a hand looped around his back to help him sit up. 

Tired eyes the color of the sky flickered open, meeting the warm hazel that echoed leaves in autumn. 

“Morning, beautiful blue eyes,” his boyfriend greeted softly, smiling down at him. Varian smiled right back at him, hooking his hand behind Connor’s neck and pulling him back down for another kiss. 

They’d gotten a bit more… physical, as time moved forward. They were at three months together now, edging toward four. Varian was getting better at how flustered he got, and Connor was getting more comfortable and less reserved. Behind closed doors, there were more soft touches, longer kisses, with no space between them. They were young and smitten. 

And, as of today, both officially adults. 

“Happy birthday,” Connor whispered between their touching lips, drawing back so he was fully in view again. Varian’s face felt cool without the warmth of his breath, but he pulled himself up to a proper sitting position regardless, smiling dopily at his boyfriend. 

“Thanks.” He followed him until he was sitting on the edge of his bed, faces inches from each other. “Didn’t expect to see you this early. No guard duty?”

“The Captain gave me the day off,” Connor hummed, standing so close he might as well have just been sitting in his lap. “So I could be at your party.”

“I’ve told you, you can call him Eugene.”

“He’s my boss,” he reminded him, lips quirking up in a smirk. “Pretty sure there might be a rule against that.” Varian rolled his eyes. He leaned forward again, arm snaking around his boyfriend’s waist. 

“Oh _Varian_!”

_THUD_

The two boys had jumped so hard they’d knocked heads and fallen to the floor, one on top of the other. Varian’s legs were straddling Connor’s, their stomachs pressed against each other. Even through the layers of their shirts, they were close enough that they could feel each other’s warmth. Varian’s face _burned._

“DON’T COME IN DON’T COME IN!” He shrieked, eyes never leaving his boyfriend’s startled wide ones. 

“I’ve been sent to collect you!”

“I’M- I’M NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES!” Connor’s face turned bright red too. In a moment that sent Varian’s panicking mind even further into static, he yanked him down by his pajama shirt, closing the distance between them and pressing their lips together again. He squeaked, but leaned into it, momentarily forgetting the unwanted guest outside the door. 

“Well hurry up and get dressed!”

He pulled back, breathless, and shuffled off of his boyfriend, hurrying to his feet. He grabbed the shirt off the end of his bed and switched it with the one he was wearing, pointedly not looking at Connor, who was only just pulling himself off the floor. Once he was dressed properly, they exchanged a look. 

They’d probably look suspicious if they were caught alone in here so early. _Especially_ since he’d said he wasn’t wearing clothes. 

_Hide,_ he mouthed, nudging his head in the corner beside his wardrobe. _Follow out five minutes after me._ Frowning, Connor’s eyes darted between the door and him. In the end, he sighed, giving him a thumbs up. He walked over and stood next to the wardrobe, back pressed to the wall. 

Varian smoothed down his hair and rubbed at his face, trying to make himself look a bit more presentable, then opened the door-

-and was lifted into a bone crushing hug. 

_Seriously, what was with his friends and trying to snap his spine?_

“There’s the birthday boy!” Lance chuckled, holding him so his feet didn’t touch the floor. Varian’s legs kicked and flailed midair, but it was pointless. He was caught in the friendly man’s hold, helpless. 

“Lance!” He gasped, smacking the back of his arm. “Can’t! Breathe!”

“My little man is now just a short _regular_ man!” He announced proudly, swinging him until they were in the hallway facing away from the door. Finally, he set him down, beaming. 

Varian’s face was red with lack of oxygen and a mix of a whole lot of other emotions stewing beneath the surface. 

“I’m _not_ short.”

“Right,” the man said, motioning with his hand between the tops of their heads, displaying the significant height difference. “And I’m not Lance.”

“You’re not, _Arnwaldo-“_

“Ah-ah-ah!” His friend cried, giving him a look. “No real names! Strictly forbidden, you know this! I’m not even sure how you learned it!”

“Eugene.”

“Then I shall have a talk with the dear man,” he said, with a threatening undertone. He brightened instantly, throwing an arm around the alchemist’s shoulders and steering him away from his room. “Now, close your eyes.”

“It’s not a surprise party,” Varian said wryly. “I know it’s my birthday. I’ve seen Rapunzel talking about the party.”

“But you don’t know _where_ it is.”

“Then how am I supposed to-“ Lance shushed him again, holding a finger over his lips and earning a tired glare. 

“You shall see. Now close your eyes.” Varian, begrudgingly, obliged, closing his eyes and trying to ignore the slight panic at just what Lance was implying. He wasn’t being led to one of _those_ parties, was he? Where the entire kingdom and its allies were all in attendance? And he was paraded around like a show pony?

He wondered if Connor was following them. He probably knew what was going on. Rapunzel had insisted he be involved with the planning, saying having Varian’s ‘new friend’ help out would make the party even better. Connor wouldn’t let them do anything _too_ crazy, right?

“Are they closed?”

“Yes,” he groaned, scrunching his brow together. Lance seemed satisfied, leading him forward. Their footsteps echoed in the seemingly deserted hallways, despite the sun shining through the windows. That only made him more nervous. Just how many people were involved in this? They took a turn, then another, and he catalogued them, trying to see where they were in his mind’s eye. By the time they came to a stop, he had a pretty good idea of where they were. It didn’t bode well. 

“Ready?” Varian hummed his agreement, already straining his ears to hear what was on the other side of the door. They were good at keeping quiet, he’d give them that. “Okay then.” He heard the creeping of doors, and Lance gently pushed him forward. “Go ahead and open them.” He complied, and felt a wave of relief wash over him. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” They were in the throne room, and the interior was decorated extravagantly, but the attendance was low. It was just the girls, Eugene and Rapunzel, and his dad. 

Rapunzel had managed the impossible. She’d actually planned a party that was lowkey. 

His face broke out into a grin. All of his favorite people, in one room. Well, _almost_ all…

“Sorry I’m late!” Connor called, and Varian whipped around. He made his way to his side with no hesitation. He’d fixed himself up a bit as well, taking a comb to his ringlets to smooth them to the sides. He did a little bow as he approached, and someone giggled. It took all of Varian’s willpower not to return the gesture and wrap him in his arms. 

“Great, everyone’s here!” Rapunzel announced happily, lavender dress swinging around her feet as she approached. Her short brown hair was braided into a half updo, with flowers woven into the braids. Her toes were painted a light blue color (which, unknown to everyone in the room but the two of them, matched Varian’s under his boots). She cut between the two boys and wrapped Varian in a much gentler hug than usual, positioned a bit awkwardly around her growing belly. When she pulled back, it was with bright eyes. 

She’d arguably been more excited for his birthday than he had. 

“I know you didn’t want anything too over the top,” she explained. “So it’s just some cake and presents, and your friends! Connor helped with the decorations.” She leaned in a little, lowering her voice with a wink. “I made the cake.”

“Thanks,” he chuckled, a real, thankful smile on his face. Her small hands wrapped around his and pulled him forward, guiding him away from the doorway and towards the others. He could hear footsteps behind them, following them over, but he found himself distracted. For the first time in a while, he didn’t feel uncomfortable around his whole family. He was _genuinely_ happy. 

He didn’t realize how much he’d missed it. 

Hurrying along with her, the pair made their way over to the cake, where Keira and Catalina were hovering impatiently. Judging by the way the former’s hands disappeared behind her back, and the smudges in the icing, he figured she hadn’t quite waited to begin with. 

“Hey, V!” Her sister greeted innocently, punching his shoulder lightly. 

“It’s chocolate,” Keira added, glancing nonchalantly to the side and licking her lower lip. “The icing. And the cake.”

“Thanks,” he snorted, hardly suppressing a laugh at the look on Rapunzel’s face. She let out a sigh, smoothed her skirt, and leveled her expression. 

“She’s right,” she said shortly, giving the short girl a look, before turning her nose up a bit and reaching for the knife to cut the dessert. Eugene beat her to it, sending her a wink and slicing off a single (non-smudged) piece. 

“I’ve got it, love,” he insisted smoothly, handing the slice off to the birthday boy. Varian accepted it with a nod, poking at the side experimentally. He waited another second, drawing it out as Rapunzel watched expectantly from beside him. He finally took a bite when she was close to pouting, letting it sit on his tongue. 

“Is it any good?” She inquired, watching his expression carefully. He raised a brow, before dropping the act, smirking and taking another bite. 

“Of course it’s good,” he replied through the mouthful. “It’s _great._ ” His sister beamed, delighted at such a seemingly small compliment, and accepted a piece from her husband, who had now moved on to cutting pieces for the rest of them. 

A hand brushed against his elbow and he turned, eyes locking with his boyfriend’s. He shook his head in a short jerk, and turned back to his friends. 

The next thing he knew, he was already sat down on the floor, surrounded by a pile of presents. The number of gifts outnumbered the number of guests, he noted suspiciously, sending a look at the royal couple who were already pushing a couple toward him. New beakers, books, and supplies seemed to be the common theme, with a few tailor made outfits he unsuccessfully tried to convince Rapunzel were _‘too much’._ His dad’s gift was a bit more tame- just two small boxes. The first contained the very helmet he’d rigged with a stunning mechanism just a couple years ago, polished and shined to look brand new. Eugene swiped it from the box and jokingly dropped it on his head, laughing when it dipped over his eyes. 

“A perfect fit,” he teased, easily avoiding Varian’s half-blind swat at his arm. Rapunzel cooed, clasping her hands and tilting her head to the side, and both girls parroted her. 

“Maybe it’s a bit big,” Quirin chuckled, helping his son straighten the helmet so he could see again. “But it suits you.”

“Thanks,” he said, shooting Connor a look out of the corner of his eye. His boyfriend smirked, leaning a bit further to rest his hand in his palm. He winked, and Varian cleared his throat, straightening his spine. 

“This,” his father continued, unaware of the brief exchange. He held the second box out, letting Varian take it carefully. “Is from your _mother._ ” Instantly, the joking atmosphere shifted. None of his friends knew anything about his mother, except that she was gone. That was one mystery no one had ever bothered to inquire about. Even he didn’t know much. 

Breath held, everyone leaned a bit closer, watching curiously. 

Varian gingerly unwrapped the bow, lifting the lid off the gift. It was a book. A journal, judging by the tattered condition of the cover and the pages that stuck out of the sides. It was old, but clean. There wasn’t any dust on it. Almost reverently, he opened it, exposing the first page. 

_Property of Ulla,_ it read, scrawled in messy cursive that was eerily similar to his own. 

_⭒Alchemist and Explorer⭒_

Further down the page, there was a smaller note, in messier, more rushed handwriting. 

_For my Varian♡_

He looked up to his father, who was watching him with a soft expression. 

“It’s her research journal,” he clarified. “She wrote everything down in there. She hoped it would help you, someday.” 

“That’s… incredible,” Varian said, running his hand over the page. The book was rather thick, too. So many pages, filled with his mother’s words. “I-“ He looked back up to his father, catching the mist building in the man’s eyes. “ _Thank you.”_

“She always knew you’d be able to match her brains,” he explained. “Even though you were just a little one when she left.” Varian’s gaze returned to the journal. Now, all he wanted to do was sit and read through it. But it was his party. This was a moment to spend with his family. Gently, he closed the book, placing it back in its box and setting it on top of another gift box. He stood, taking a moment to let his knees complain, and everyone else followed suit. 

The party continued into a calmer mood, everyone breaking off into separate conversations. This time, when a hand touched his arm, he met it with his own. 

“Come on,” Connor whispered. Throwing a look over his shoulders and finding everyone else busy, Varian followed him out of the room and down the hallway. It wouldn’t hurt if they left the party for a _little_ bit. 

  
  


**~ _POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING TOPICS AHEAD! VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED!~_**

They stopped a few halls down, slowing to a halt with breathy laughs and leaning into each other. Connor pressed a kiss to Varian’s hair and the shorter boy giggled, nuzzling into his hold. They inched closer to the wall, and Varian moved so their lips were touching instead. He hummed into the kiss, eyes slipping shut. 

Connor’s hand snaked around his waist, his other pressing against the wall behind them. Varian had one hand behind him and the other on his boyfriend’s shoulder. He broke off to take a breath, gazing up into his warm hazel eyes. 

Connor closed the distance between them again, bringing him into another, deeper kiss. Varian nearly choked, taken by surprise, but he leaned into it regardless. His hand brushed against something behind him, the edge of a painting, and some of his sense came back. _Oh, right._ They were in the hallway. Exposed. In the open. 

“Connor,” he whispered, breaking away to look up at him again. “We should stop.” His boyfriend’s lips moved to his cheek, lightly kissing each of his freckles. A chill ran down his spine and he melted a little, but he knew he couldn’t afford to. He had to be the bad guy, here. “Connor.”

The kisses moved lower, down to his chin, and the hand resting on his boyfriend’s shoulder tightened. Lips met his neck, and they were rougher, pinching his skin and surely leaving a mark. He sucked in a breath. 

“ _Connor,”_ he said a little louder. “We shouldn’t do this here.”

Another kiss to his collarbone. The hand at his back slipped lower, hooking under his belt and lowering into his pants. He gasped, both hands shooting out, and he pushed, startled and just a bit frightened. Connor stumbled back a step, and immediately looked hurt. 

“Blue,” he said, brow furrowing. 

“ _Not here,”_ he reiterated, forcing his heart back to a normal pace. “Someone could see us.”

“So?” A very rare anger flashed over his boyfriend’s face, quickly replaced by a tired frustration. “Let them see.”

“You _know_ we can’t do that.”

“Why?” He waved his hands around. “Why shouldn’t we?”

“You know why!” Varian felt his panic spike, bringing his voice down. “You know why. It’s against the law. _We’re_ against the law. You could lose your job, I could lose my job. We could be _arrested._ Nobody can know.”

“Fuck that!” Connor snapped, and Varian flinched. “Fuck the law. I don’t care what could happen.”

“You’re a _guard-“_

“I’d rather be your boyfriend than a guard!” Hands on his hips, Connor stalked forward a step. “You matter more to me than my job. I’d give up _everything_ to be able to have a real relationship with you.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” Varian rushed out, sending looks over his shoulders to make sure no one would hear. “Please, it’s not worth it.”

“So I’m not worth it? Is that what this is?” He took another step forward, hurt written all over his face, and Varian’s heart squeezed. “I’m willing to give up _everything_ for you. Are you really not willing to do the same?”

“I- Connor-“ He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut. “Y-you have to understand, we’d lose everything. Everyone. I’m happy with what we have now. I’m willing to hide, if it means we still have each other.”

“I’m not a hat you can take on and off whenever it suits you!” Connor yelled, hands curling into fists. “You’re just like my mother! Pushing me away, whenever being near me would mean putting yourself at risk. Do you know how much I’m putting at risk to be with you? If people found out? You’re not exactly the most popular person. You’ve done horrible things, and hurt people. You almost killed the queen. My reputation would be _ruined_ if people knew we were together- but I’m willing to throw it away for you!” 

Varian’s heart froze in his chest, eyes wide. 

“That’s not fair,” he hissed, but something in his brain whispered that he was lying. “That’s- that’s not fair.”

“You know what’s not fair? Sitting there and watching the princess and the Captain, and knowing we can’t have that, because _you_ won’t let us. Because you’re scared of admitting that we’re a couple. I lost my family because of who I love, and you’re lying to keep yours. _That’s_ not fair.” Varian’s mouth fell open, but no words came. A mixture of defensive fury and horrible guilt were swarming in the pit of his stomach, because _nothing he was saying was a lie._

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he croaked, letting his own hands ball into fists. 

“Your entire life is built on a _lie,”_ Connor insisted. “Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Stop it.”

“You’re so afraid that they might all hate you for this, why don’t you just test it and find out for certain? If they all really hate you, maybe they aren’t worth being around anyways!”

“Shut up!” His hand came up and connected with Connor’s face, leaving an angry red mark. He hardly even had time to be surprised before his back was slammed against the wall, strong hands pinning his shoulders. 

“You don’t even realize how hard this is on me!” Connor growled, glaring down at him with tears in his eyes. “You’re living your stupid little fantasy where you have the best of both worlds, while I just have to sit and wait for it to be my turn! I don’t _have_ anybody else beside you Varian! I LOVE you!” A tense silence fell between them, tears in both their eyes. Connor’s turned away, settling on something on the wall behind him. “But you don’t feel the same way, do you?”

“I-“ His throat felt dry. He couldn’t- he couldn’t answer. He couldn’t answer. _He couldn’t answer._

Connor let out a dry chuckle, staring upward as he blinked a few tears away. 

“No, of course you don’t. Here I am, bearing my heart, and all you can think of is yourself. Guess that’s your thing, isn’t it? Thinking about yourself. Seems like it. _Your_ dad’s in trouble, the rest of the kingdom doesn’t matter. Everybody hates _you,_ you decide they need their memories wiped. _You_ feel like you’re going to be ignored, so you resent your friends for the happiest moment in their lives. Maybe there’s a reason everyone in your life’s hated you at some point.”

Wide, pale blue eyes stared into muddy hazel, hidden behind a wall of tears that had suddenly turned to ice, trailing down whitened flesh. Numb. There wasn’t any response to the words of the man before him. Just… numb. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

  
  


**~ _Safe to read after this point!~_**

The sun was in the middle of the sky, near lunch time. The party had been going on for a while, but nobody seemed intent on leaving. Rapunzel and Eugene were nestled into each other’s sides, chatting with Quirin about children and his experience with the resident alchemist. The conversation only trailed off when Rapunzel went to ask for his opinion, and realized he was not, in fact, there. 

“How long has Varian been gone?” She asked, puzzled. Her husband followed her gaze, shrugging a bit. 

“Not sure. Him and Connor walked out a little while ago. Maybe they headed to the library?” Rapunzel bit her lip, gaze lingering on the door. Something didn’t feel right. It was like… something inside her had gone sour. _Something wasn’t right._

“I think we should check on them,” she decided, going to stand up, but Eugene stopped her with an arm around her shoulders. 

“You don’t need to go searching the castle, dear,” he soothed. “I can go-“

“I’ll go,” Lance volunteered, standing from where he’d been playing party games with the girls. “You stay and continue the parenting discussion. I’ll be right back with the boys.”

“Thanks,” Eugene said brightly, and Rapunzel only nodded along. She rested her head on her husband’s shoulder, chewing on her bottom lip. 

“Don’t break anything while I’m gone,” he warned, turning back to his daughters. They both nodded, crossing their hearts, and he accepted it for as good as he was going to get. He exited the room and looked both ways down the hall. The library was one way, but Varian’s room was the other. Which way would they have gone?

Shrugging, he went left, whistling to himself. The party had gone remarkably well. He remembered last year, the kid’s birthday had been a bit of a disaster. The kingdom was still trying to recover after the fight with Zhan Tiri, and they’d had to have the party outside. It had ended up raining. 

But this year, he’d been in high spirits. His friend had been helpful in planning (although Lance had his doubts that they were only just ‘friends’) and it had turned out to be a success. 

…

At least, that was what he thought, until he rounded the corner again and his whistling came to a sudden stop. There was a figure against the wall, looking tiny and broken. _Varian._ He was on his bottom, with his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around them. His eyes were distant, but bloodshot and swimming with tears. His hair was askew, and what Lance could see of his face and neck was bruise and marked. Probably the most alarming, however, was the way his clothes were ruffled and messy. His belt had seemingly vanished, his shirt untucked, and his pants sagged a bit around his hips. 

A horrible picture was painting itself in the man’s mind, but everything came to a halt when the boy finally looked up and noticed him. His whole body jerked, eyes growing wide and quickly filling with tears again. 

His sobs echoed in Lance’s ears, and all through the halls of the castle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was really hard to write, but it’s also what I’ve been building to for the whole fic. Not many joking things I can say about this, so I wanted to share a bit of (what I consider to be) cool info about the structure of it. 
> 
> At the end of the chapter, the point of view switches to other people. Thus far in the story, it has been entirely Varian’s point of view. It’s his story, he’s the narrator. But at this moment, his inner dialogue and feelings are so complex and intense that they can’t be put down in words, so we observe from outside. This is the first time this has happened, but it’s not the last.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of a tragedy no one is quite sure the specifics of, Varian shuts himself off. Whether or not his friends will manage to get through to him remains to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter was rough! This one elaborates a bit on what happened (but not by much). Hope you’re ready, because this is the big shift in the story!

* * *

Two weeks. 

It had been two weeks since Varian’s birthday. 

And it had been two weeks since he’d left his room. 

What had started as such a joyful day had taken a frightening turn, when loud sobs had echoed through the halls and Lance’s urgent yells had brought them out of the throne room and into an image that would never leave their minds. Varian had been openly crying on the floor, hiccuping and mumbling and just seeming _broken._ He’d been in a pitiful shape physically, with harsh bruises standing out against abnormally pale skin. He’d flinched violently when anyone came near, only finally allowing Rapunzel to touch him when she kneeled down beside him and began to dissolve into tears along with him. 

Lance had insisted they take him down to the physician’s chambers. He seemed to have an idea of what may have happened, but he hadn’t shared it with any of them. They were all beyond confused. It looked as though the teen had been attacked and beaten, but by who? The castle was supposed to be _secure._ And why would anyone hurt him so badly? He’d walked with a limp, when he’d finally let his father hoist him off the floor and support him between with his strong arms. There was a multitude of tiny bruises littered up and down his neck, and his lips were swollen. 

Rapunzel had never seen anything like it, but the horrified look on Eugene’s face implied that he might have. 

Once they’d gotten to the infirmary, Varian’s cries had just… stopped. He’d fallen silent, staring at the floor and letting the sniffles die away. Questions from the doctor went unanswered, ignored in favor of keeping his mouth tightly clamped shut. Even his dad couldn’t get him to talk. There had been a moment where the doctor lost his patience, touching the boy’s arm to try and rouse a response from him, but the only response had been a violent jump and a resurgence of tears. They’d ended up having to switch out for the nurse, once he’d calmed down again, and she hadn’t been able to tell them anything. 

_‘Just a couple bruises,’_ she’d said. _‘Nothing worse. Should be fine in a couple days.’_

It had been more than a couple days, and Varian was far from fine. 

He didn’t show up for meals. He didn’t respond to their invitations to picnics. He didn’t answer when they knocked on the door. The only confirmation that he was even still in there was Ruddiger, who could be seen scurrying to and from the room with apples and muffins from time to time. The animal still greeted them warmly when they met in the halls, brushing up against their legs, but he got protective if they lingered outside the boy’s door for too long. 

He even did that if it was Quirin who stood outside his son’s room. 

Rapunzel couldn’t take it. She couldn’t see her friend, her _brother,_ shutting himself away like this. If there was truly something wrong (which, of _course_ there was, it was obvious), he needed them. He needed her to care enough to ignore his protests and be by his side. And, goddammit, she needed him too. Everyday felt bleak without his shining presence. He was a constant, one never-changing thing she could always rely on. In every moment she’d needed, him he’d pulled through. She would do the same for him. 

She, regretfully, had to leave Eugene out of this one. He’d been one of the first ones to try and talk to Varian after everything, and he’d also been the first one the boy snapped at. He’d yelled and cried, screaming at him to just _leave him alone._ That had been the day after, but it was still seared into their minds. Quirin had been the victim afterward, but there was some speculation that he’d gotten through to him. No one was certain, as the man had returned home the day after. 

So she didn’t knock on the door before entering. She pushed it open carefully, surveying the room. It was, surprisingly, neat and organized. Dust that she’d grown familiar with in the nooks and crannies of the room had been done away with, the books on the shelf had been rearranged in alphabetical order. The only thing out of place was a book on the end table, which she quickly recognized as Varian’s mother’s journal. It was open to a random page, with new notes scrawled along the side in a familiar script. 

It was eerily similar to how she’d kept her tower- perfectly neat and tidy, because she had nothing else to do and nowhere else to go. The comparison made her feel sick to her stomach. 

Her heart settled some at the sight of the figure on the bed. Varian was dressed in his pajamas, hair ruffled from sleep. He was curled up around a dozing Ruddiger, face buried in his soft gray fur. The picture of comfort and innocence almost made her want to leave them be, but she knew it was only on the surface. Varian was hurting. And if she didn’t find out now, she might never know why. 

She made her way to the bedside, tiptoeing despite knowing she was naturally light on her feet. Hand resting over her belly, she leaned over a bit, peering down at the sleeping face. The nurse had at least been right about one thing- the ugly marks marring Varian’s tan skin had finally faded away. There was a healthy flush to his cheeks, unlike the ghostly pale of that night. 

But… underneath the short sleeves of his pajama shirt, she could see faint marks. Thin, white lines, like trails left behind by nails. She couldn’t tell for sure if they were fresh or not, with the significantly paler skin of Varian’s upper arms, normally hidden beneath long sleeves and gloves. His bare hands twitched against Ruddiger’s fur, one twisting and clutching at the sheets underneath him. 

For the sake of not spiraling even further into worry, she ignored it, and gently nudged his shoulder. 

The way he woke up so quickly, jumping and startling Ruddiger, only furthered the conviction that _something wasn’t right._ He blinked blearily, eyes darting around, before landing on her. He seemed relieved that it was her, as though he’d expected someone else. 

“Rapunzel,” he rasped, before clearing his throat. “H- uh, hey.”

“Hi,” she greeted gently, hovering a moment before he got the message and shifted over to make room. She sat on the edge of his bed, watching him fidget and twitch. The first she’d seen him in weeks, and he was so obviously different. He was more anxious, less confident. His frame curved in on itself, shoulders hunched and hands drawn close to his core. 

It reminded her of a younger boy, fresh out of a year of wrongfully sentenced prison time. Just... less vibrant, if that was even possible. The boy sitting in front of her looked like he’d lost any semblance of hope, like he’d resigned himself to suffering. Like he thought he _deserved_ whatever it was he was going through. 

“Found anything interesting yet?” She prompted. Varian’s brow crinkled, head tilting slightly, but once he followed her gaze the confusion fell from his face. He softened, staring at the journal at his bedside, before turning back to her. 

“I’ve gotten through quite a lot of it,” he explained, hands still tightly knotted in his lap. “There’s… a lot. Don’t know if I could sum it up so easily.”

“Well that’s cool,” Rapunzel hummed, running her free hand up and down the skirt of her dress. She chewed at her lip. She could sense Varian’s suspicion, could practically see it on his carefully blank face. He knew perfectly well why she was here. She wasn’t exactly the best at small talk. She sighed, running her hand through her hair. “Look, Varian-“

“Don’t,” he interrupted, eyes falling to his lap. His fists clenched, before loosening slowly. 

“We’re worried about you,” she persisted, undeterred by his reluctance. “ _I’m_ worried about you. What happened- it really scared us. And… and we don’t even _know_ what happened. Please, you have to tell us.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” he argued, eyes still glued to the little ball of fur that was curled up against his stomach. “Rapunzel, I appreciate your concern. But I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” she snapped, but the look on his face made her reel back her fragile temper. The way he flinched at such simple words, just her raising her voice, it contradicted everything he was saying. “ _Please._ I just want to help. I won’t let you suffer in silence.” 

“...I got into a fight.” 

Surprised at both the implication and the fact that she’d gotten an answer, Rapunzel’s free hand fell to his knee. This time, he didn’t flinch or fidget, eyes flicking up to hers. 

“You know how people are,” he explained, maintaining perfect eye contact with her. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone’s come after me for something I did in the past.”

“Oh, Varian.” She squeezed his leg, eyes glistening with concern. “You _know_ that isn’t your fault. Why didn’t you tell us? It’s our job to make sure you’re safe.”

“It just… it really rattled me. Guess I was caught off guard.”

“Who was it?” For a moment, his level expression flickered, eyes breaking away, but he had it back in check within seconds. 

“I didn’t know them.” He cleared his throat, lifting one shoulder in a half shrug. “Besides, it doesn’t matter. It’s behind us, and they won’t try anything again.” Rapunzel frowned. Carefully, she lifted his hand from his raccoon’s fur, wrapping it in her own. 

“Never feel like you have to hide things from us,” she said softly, staring him directly in the eyes and trying to send as much love as possible through their moment of connection. “We love you, Varian. We want you to be happy, and safe.”

The teenager in front of her blinked, eyes misting over, and she pulled him into a gentle hug, pressing his head to her chest and resting her chin on top of the messy raven locks. His arms didn’t wrap around her in return, instead clinging tightly around himself, but he did lean into the touch, pressing his cheek to the soft fabric of her dress. His next words were so quiet, she hardly heard them. 

“Thanks, Rapunzel.”

* * *

A few days later, Varian finally emerged from his room. He surprised them all, showing up a couple minutes late to breakfast and already being dressed for the day. Ruddiger lay curled around his shoulders, nuzzling into his chin and purring. 

The pair was met with excitement and joy, a multitude of hugs going around as Varian laughed awkwardly through it all. He’d come on one of the mornings Lance and the girls were there, so everybody got the chance to greet him and exchange the automatic _‘how are you feeling?’_ Varian, for his part, handled the questioning remarkably well. 

_‘Good, good.’_

_‘I’m doing fine.’_

_‘Feeling great.’_

In honor of his return, dessert was tagged onto the end of breakfast, servants setting down little bolds of decorative ice cream in front of each of them. The happy atmosphere was fragile, but it was filled with relief. Varian was smiling, and laughing, and _talking._

“I actually wanted to tell you something,” he said eventually, stirring his spoon around in the sloppy mess his ice cream was melting into. The table had risen back into a cheerful cacophony after the initial concern, but everyone paused to hear what he had to say. From the look on his face, it was obvious he still wasn’t used to having so much attention on him. 

“Hm?” Rapunzel prompted, spoon still sticking out of her mouth. 

“I’ve finished my mother’s journal,” he began, letting Ruddiger down onto the table and carding a gloved hand through his fur. “Well, I’ve skimmed it. There’s plenty of additional information, but I know the basics. It… it’s a log. Of a journey. Her journey. Around the seven kingdoms.”

“Sounds exciting!” Eugene observed, casually sliding his own dessert over to his wife. Varian cleared his throat, staring at the table with immense interest. 

“It is. She was on a journey to collect totems, and use alchemy to unlock some unparalleled treasure trove of knowledge.”

“So, nerd stuff,” Keira summarized. Her sister elbowed her, and quiet bickering flared up at their end of the table. 

Varian hardly paid them any mind, taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders. 

“I’m going to follow her instructions and try to complete the journey.” Silence fell over the table. Five pairs of eyes were glued to his skin, staring at him with varying levels of surprise and disbelief. He shrunk in on himself, but didn’t say a word. 

“You’re leaving?” Catalina asked, voice soft and meak. Her eyes were wide and confused, brow furrowed. Varian’s gaze flicked to her, then returned to the table. 

“Yes.”

“Well, alright then,” Eugene chuckled, breaking through the awkward tension. “When are we talking, here? Another couple months? Maybe next year?”

“Tomorrow.” 

Lance choked on his drink and it spewed across the table, soaking Ruddiger and sending the poor creature a foot in the air. People began to talk over each other, growing louder as they demanded their questions be answered. 

“What?!”

“Wait a second!”

“So soon?!”

“I’ve spoken with my dad,” Varian continued, raising his voice over the chaos. “He’s agreed with me. We’ve been planning it, and everything’s in order.”

“Tomorrow?” Eugene reiterated, staring at the teen like he’d grown a second head. “The _hell_ do you mean, tomorrow? Isn’t that a little last second?”

“I didn’t want to tell you yet,” Varian defended, not looking his brother in the eye. 

“Why not?!”

“So you wouldn’t talk me out of it.”

“Woah, hey,” Rapunzel interrupted, trying to keep the peace despite the slight panicked look on her own face. “Everybody calm down. A trip is just that: a _trip._ He’ll come back. We came back after ours, didn’t we?”

“After a _year,”_ Lance reminded her. 

“How long is this journey of yours?” Eugene asked, sighing through his nose and trying to regain his calm. “A few months?” This time, Varian took a moment to respond. He hunched in on himself, closing his eyes. When no response came, Eugene grew worried. “Varian?”

“A year, at minimum,” Varian said, so quietly it may as well have been a whisper, but everyone heard it. “More realistically, two. Could be three.”

Dead silence. 

Rapunzel choked on a sob. 

* * *

A boy, newly considered a man, stood with his back to the castle and a bag slung over his shoulder. His departure had been full of tears and crying. Rapunzel had barely been able to hold herself together. He knew, if he’d lingered any longer, he wouldn’t have been able to leave. 

But he had to. 

He was leaving behind everything. His dad, his friends. Rapunzel and Eugene. Their unborn baby, his godchild. He wasn’t going to be there for the birth, or for the first steps, or anything like that. He was going to be halfway across the world, chasing something he’d read about once in his mother’s frantic scribbles. 

But he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t be there, in that place, with them, and pretend everything was normal. It _wasn’t._ He couldn’t lie to their faces for the rest of forever. He couldn’t see _him,_ couldn’t look him in the eye after what had happened. He couldn’t be there, when so many horrible emotions were tied to the place now. 

He was a fucking _coward._ He was causing his friends grief, all because he’d gotten himself into a bad situation. It was his fault. He was the one who was stupid enough to believe he could keep that fantasy forever. He was the one who looked past what he was, who ignored the law and pretended that he was allowed to have happiness. Nothing that had gone wrong wasn’t because of him. 

So he was leaving, walking away from the place he’d grown up in and abandoning everyone he held dear. 

He shifted the strap on his shoulder, tugging it further up his sleeve as he crossed the bridge from the Capital. 

_He really was selfish._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEP. 
> 
> Time for 7k, it seems. 
> 
> Oh, and Varian’s a mess. Everyone’s a mess. Sorry. 
> 
> (But hey, the blonde gay disaster is gonna come next chapter, so I’m totally making it up to y’all. You’re welcome.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a couple years away, Varian’s finally completed his journey, and the time’s come for him to return home. 
> 
> A lot’s happened since he’s been away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE BOY IS BACK AND SO AM I!
> 
> So excited to get back into this! I needed a little while to work on other stuff and clear my thoughts for this, but the time has come and this is officially back! 
> 
> Enjoy this chapter of fluff to make up for the last couple chapters of nothing but angst and heartbreak ;)

* * *

  
On an undisclosed date, over two years after a young alchemist left behind his life at the castle, a man was thrown to the ground. Blonde strands fell in his face, obscuring his vision as his opponent stalked forward. His stomach ached from the blow, but he glared up at them regardless, blowing at his bangs to get a clear view. A blade glinted in their hand, sharp and pristine, and it edged dangerously close. He went to get up, one arm wrapped around his abdomen-

-and promptly fell back again, startled as his adversary drew back, arms flailing. A light blue substance had gathered at their feet, crawling up their legs. Within seconds, they were frozen solid, still staring at a figure behind him. The young man quickly went to pick himself up, turning around. 

“You _dumbass.”_

“Hey, Goggles~”

“Don’t you _hey Goggles me.”_ Another young man towered over him, hands on his hips. Black and blue bangs dipped over his eyes, fully fallen out of where they were usually held back by his goggles. Strands of hair were falling from the short ponytail at the back of his skull, some frizzing out while others just tucked underneath his shirt collar. He stared at the other with a mix of rage and tired annoyance, withdrawing one hand to shove it in his pale, freckled face. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“Luv, if you’d just let me explain-“

“I _told_ you not to go after them.”

“They had our stuff!”

“ _We could get new stuff!_ ”

“But it’s our stuff!”

“And you thought you’d go get it back, _alone??”_

“I knew you’d show up and save my ass.” The second young man lost some of his steam, glaring at the one who was still sitting on the ground. The blonde looked up at him innocently, batting his eyelashes. 

“You’re so stupid.”

“And you’re so hot when you’re mad.”

Groaning, Varian extended his hand, pulling Hugo to his full, taller-than-him height.

“I hate you,” he deadpanned, flicking the man’s nose. Hugo just hummed, lifting the bags of belongings he’d retrieved from the thieves. 

“You know you love me.” Varian snatched his own satchel back, slinging it over his shoulder and rummaging through to see if everything was still inside. 

“You’re gonna get us both killed,” he stated matter-of-factly, taking off in the opposite direction. 

“You’re giving me too much credit.”

“I’m not giving you _enough_ credit.”

Hugo was an asshole. 

He hadn’t been part of the plan. 18 year old Varian had embarked on his quest to get his mind away from it all. It had been, as Nuru had called it when he’d admitted it to her later, his ‘away with the gay’ plan. He’d figured, if he could go off on his own and find out what happened to his mother, he’d be too preoccupied to think about any of that. Maybe, with some distance, he’d realize it had all been fake. Maybe he didn’t _really_ like guys. 

And it had worked fine, for a little while. Distance from people had soothed some of his anxieties, leaving him with only his mind for company. He’d left Ruddiger behind, with the mission to stay with his dad and look after him. It had just been him and the journal and the open road. 

And then it had been Yong, a kid who made him realize how much he missed being around people. Yong was sweet, and innocent, and not judgemental in the way that only younger kids could be. He was someone who didn’t know anything about Varian’s past, didn’t know what he’d done or what he’d been through. He’d been a clean slate. 

Nuru had been a close confidant. A friend he could stare at the stars with and talk to for hours about how the world worked and why life wasn’t fair. She was a shoulder to cry on when it was all too much, someone who sat with him when sleep wouldn’t come. 

She was the only one he’d ever told about what happened before he left. 

She’d listened without judgement, sat with him while he cried and rambled and described in as few details as possible just how the person he’d thought he loved had broken his heart, and how he’d broken his. She hadn’t offered anything besides soft words of comfort, huddled up beside him with a blanket wrapped around their shoulders. Nuru had been a best friend. 

Hugo had been a nuisance. He was a pompous, arrogant narcissist who found great joy in picking at him. He was irritatingly hot, and he knew it. That was probably why they hadn’t gotten along at first. Varian had resented him because the moment they met, he realized he was very much still attracted to men. 

But then Hugo had shown a soft side, and they’d grown closer. 

The rest was a whirlwind of history stuffed into only a few years time. 

Behind him, Hugo’s footsteps grew closer, lining up beside him. 

“I’m going to hold your hand,” he announced casually, slipping Varian’s smaller hand into his own. 

Hugo was… surprisingly patient. He was gentle and kind when the two were alone, waiting by his side for him to calm down after a meltdown. He never touched him unless he had permission, after that first time he’d tapped him on the shoulder and he’d flinched. Hugo brushed off any odd behavior as perfectly acceptable and ordinary. _Grew up on the streets,_ he’d say. _I’ve seen a thing or two._

Huffing, Varian’s fingers curled around his hand, and their arms began to swing in tandem. 

“I’m still mad at you.”

“As you should be.”

“I’m serious.” Blue eyes flicked to green, anger slipping to reveal the concern beneath it. “You could have gotten hurt. You could have gotten _killed.”_

“Nobody’s taking me out that easily,” Hugo dismissed, waving his free hand. “Not when I have you to get back to.” Varian snorted, rolling his eyes. 

“Smooth.” His head fell against Hugo’s shoulder, tucking into the crook of his neck. The blonde’s cheek rested carefully against his hair, soft breaths sending the strands down into Varian’s eyes. 

“I try,” he hummed, turning to press a light kiss to his head. 

A comfortable silence fell over them, something they were still getting used to. It had been the four of them for so long, it was weird to be apart. They’d dropped Yong off first, back to his family in his kingdom with promise to keep in touch via letters. They’d already sent one, from the three adults when they’d been in an inn a month or two ago. Then it had been Nuru, parting ways back in her kingdom. She’d made them swear to get back to Corona in one piece, threatening to just keep them there if they couldn’t guarantee it. 

They missed their friends. 

“We should probably set up camp soon,” Hugo suggested, staring up at the waning sun. “Unless you wanted to walk all night?”

“Nah, we’re almost there anyways. We can rest for a bit.”

“Bet you’re glad I got our stuff, then.” Varian shoved Hugo, enough that he stumbled to the side, but not enough to separate their hands. The blonde just laughed. 

“Just for that, you’re setting everything up.”

“I _guess_ I deserve that.” Patting their intertwined hands with his free one, Varian broke away and went to sit to the side, letting him get to work with their supplies. They’d stopped near a ledge overlooking everything within the next thousand miles. It was beautiful, with the sun setting and leaving that warm orange color to comb across the tops of trees. In the far distance, bodies of water shimmered and twinkled, like a million candles flickering in the night. 

And, not too far away, stood that great, impressive wall that ran the length of the Coronan border. 

From where he sat, one leg drawn up so he could rest his chin on his knee, he could see the newer section of the wall where the black rocks had broken through, all those years ago. It was decorated with dozens of paint shades, with swirls and designs covering the length of the addition. It had been an idea of Rapunzel’s, once she’d gotten back and everything had settled. A community painting party, to brighten what was once a dismal reminder and to signify their radiant future. 

Towards the corner of it, he could see the area Rapunzel had worked on herself, with the sun, the moon, and the stars dancing around them. He’d helped her with the stenciling. At the very bottom of the painting, far too small for him to see from this distance, were two painted handprints- the signature she’d convinced him to add. It had been more like tricking him, when she’d stolen his glove and painted his hand blue. He’d really had no other choice, except to press it up against the wall and look to her for her approval. 

_“Perfect!”_ She’d exclaimed, painting her own hand in the same shade and pressing it beside his. _“Now it’s officially ours!”_

The paint was probably dirty, by now, after standing so long against the weather. Dirty and fading, like all things eventually became. A bit further from the wall, he could see Old Corona. That too had been rebuilt. It was nothing like the place he’d grown up in, with all the decades old houses and the rustic atmosphere. It was new and upscale, with double floor houses and running water (courtesy of himself, of course). The houses were all painted and symmetrical, with a consistent color scheme and more modern accommodations. Nothing like the poor farming village he was raised in. 

Closer to the wall, he could see what remained of his old house, in the part of town that had been abandoned when it was deemed too far beyond repair. It was reduced to its foundations, now, with the occasional wall still standing. Much further down, in the new part of town, was where their new house had been. The house his dad lived in, where he’d just had a room for when he visited. It was smaller than his childhood home, but it was no less grand. The royals had commissioned Quirin a small mansion in repayment for his sacrifices in the line of duty. It was in the center of Old Corona, right in the middle of it all. 

Not off to the side, where it had only been the two of them for all those years. 

And way off in the distance, nearly a day’s travel away, was Corona proper. The little island in the middle of that great lake, with the castle all aglow in the waning light. On that island, hundreds of people bustled about while bringing their days to a close. Bakers sold the last of their goods, stores closed their doors, and citizens scurried home. Within the castle, guards switched rotations, candles were lit, and meetings adjourned. 

And in one of those rooms, Rapunzel and Eugene set their child to bed, and wished them goodnight. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” He instinctively reached out, catching the coin just as the blonde flipped it in his direction. He didn’t even bother to look at him, but his mouth slipped into a smirk. 

“Stolen?”

“They were thieves, Sweetcheeks,” Hugo reminded him, sitting down beside him. “Consider it returning the stolen goods to their rightful owners.”

“And was it your money before they stole it?” Hugo shrugged, accepting the coin back and pocketing it. 

“I’m holding onto it until we find the owners.” Varian chuckled, hands falling back to wrap around his ankle. 

“Right. You’re so thoughtful.”

“So I’ve been told.” Hugo criss-crossed his legs and leaned back a bit, admiring the view alongside him. “You excited?”

“Yeah,” Varian answered truthfully. “And nervous. And… terrified.”

“Nuru did offer us a room _in her castle_ if you change your mind.” Varian shook his head, scooting over so their sides were touching. 

“No, I need to go back. I promised I’d go back, and I… I miss them. I’m excited to see them again.”

“And?”

“And, well, you know.”

“I know.” Hugo took his hand in his gently and, when he didn’t pull away, he squeezed it. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re not the one who has to apologize,” Varian argued softly. “It’s my choice to come back. You don’t have to come with me. I know there are plenty of places where what we have isn’t against the law, and we both know there are other guys out there. You don’t have to worry about hiding just for me.”

“I don’t want any other guys,” Hugo said simply, turning so they were facing each other and taking Varian’s other hand. “I want _you._ And if you wanna go back to your admittedly blatantly homophobic kingdom so you can see your family again, then I’m going to support you, and I’m going to come with. We haven’t gotten this far just so you could finally shake me.” He winked. “I’m like a tick. Incredibly difficult to remove.”

Varian rolled his eyes, throwing his head back. 

“You are _so_ romantic.”

“I know, it’s a gift.” Varian giggled, standing back up so he could go back to where their sleeping bags were now set up. Hugo had made a little fire in the middle, just big enough to keep them warm for the night. 

Behind him, Hugo made a scene of standing up, walking up beside him and stretching his arms out. One casually dropped over his shoulders.

“Just think,” he said. “Tomorrow night, we’ll be _inside._ Isn’t that insane? I think we’ve slept inside a total of, like, ten nights throughout the whole trip.” Hugo practically moaned, staring off dreamily. “A bed. I don’t even remember what a bed looks like.” Varian laughed, shoving him playfully and going to sit on top of his sleeping bag. 

“You sure you’ll be alright all by yourself?” He teased. “In a big room, without anybody to bother or snuggle up with?” Hugo paused, frowning thoughtfully. 

“Didn’t think about that.”

“Well, why don’t you come over here, and we’ll get in some last minute cuddles?” Hugo nodded, skipping over and leaning down to scooch his own sleeping bag closer. He sat on top and leaned over, happily getting trapped within Varian’s arms.

“Sounds good to me!” Together, they laid down across the two bed rolls, and Varian nuzzled closer into his boyfriend’s back, resting his face against the nape of his neck. 

Tomorrow, they’d be back in the hustle and bustle of Corona. 

But for tonight, it was just them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is probably not what you were expecting, and don’t worry! There WILL be chapters that are flashbacks so we get more insight into how Varian and Hugo’s relationship started, and how it was in the earlier days, as well as more info on the rest of how 7K played out within this fic. 
> 
> This was simply the most practical way to take the story. Most of y’all already know the basic story of 7 Kingdoms (especially if you’re here for Hugo) and I didn’t want to just re-explain all of it. This plot is much more focused on the goings on in Corona and with Varian’s friends and family, so taking a few chapters away from all that just felt like stretching it too much. I’m so excited to continue, and hope you are as well! Love you all!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s finally time to return home, and Varian has... mixed feelings
> 
> Luckily, Hugo’s right by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh it’s time he’s going home it’s happening ahhhHHHH

* * *

  
They got a late start in the morning. Neither one of them was a morning person, but even when Varian had made a valiant effort to wake up early, Hugo had whined and complained and stayed latched onto him on their bed rolls. So… yeah. They got a very late start. 

By the time they got to the wall, the sun was almost in the middle of the sky. They’d rushed a bit to make up for lost time, so they were a tad out of breath, but they managed to get to the gate without much trouble. They stopped just out of view to collect themselves, hands still tightly intertwined. 

Hugo’s gaze slid to Varian, who had gone quite still, staring wide eyed at the wall ahead of them. There was a stiffness to his shoulders, a sort of defensive reflex he’d displayed more in the early days of their journey. It was one he was familiar with- that look of someone bracing themself for pain. 

“You ready?” He asked softly, squeezing his hand. Varian’s eyes broke away from the wall, meeting his. There were a million different emotions playing over his face, and confidence was not one of them. His steadfast determination to get home had finally withered and slunk back, replaced with the anxiety that had been trying to poke through all along. He looked younger, frailer, like a gust of wind could blow him over. 

“Maybe… maybe we _could_ stay with Nuru for a little while,” he mumbled, shifting on his feet. Hugo watched him with a blank face, before turning to take his other hand in his, gently guiding him a bit closer to the wall. 

“Too late to turn back now,” he said with a slight shrug. “We’re right here. So close. You just have to take another couple steps.”

“I… I dunno.”

“What happened to that excitement, Goggles?” He stopped them just at the edge of the trees. “All that chatter about seeing your friends again? And I mean, I have to meet your dad, he sounds _insanely_ cool. And your niece or nephew? Surely, Uncle Varian doesn’t want to leave the poor kid hanging.” Varian chewed at his lip, bangs falling over his eyes. 

“...no, he doesn’t.”

“Then we just go on in there,” Hugo concluded, pulling him closer for a quick hug. “We go in, and you introduce me to your _lovely_ family, and we try not to act too ragingly homosexual. Sounds like a solid plan to me.”

“Are you sure?” Varian whispered, fingers curling into the back of his shirt. “Are you sure you’re okay with it?”

“As long as I’m with you, I’m okay with anything,” Hugo replied softly, brushing back his bangs and pressing a kiss to his forehead. Varian took a shuddering breath in his hold, fists still tight around the material of his shirt, before pulling back and brushing himself off. 

“Okay,” he said, shaking out his hands. “Okay. This’ll be great.”

“This’ll be great,” Hugo parroted. 

“I’ve got this.”

“You’ve got this.”

“ _We’ve_ got this.” Finally, a smile broke through the mask of anxiety on his face, and Hugo flashed him a matching one. With one last shuddering breath, Varian’s hands rose to his satchel, adjusting its placement against his shoulder. Boots met the ground, and he started walking forward, straight for the gate. Hugo hurried along behind him, leaving some distance while still sticking close. 

“Name and business,” the guard deadpanned, not looking up from a notepad. 

“Varian,” he provided, glancing over his shoulder at Hugo. “Of Old Corona. And, uh, returning?” The guard glanced up, and his bored demeanor dropped. 

“Oh, Varian!” He greeted a bit more cheerfully, sitting up straighter. Varian got a better look at his face, and his shoulders relaxed a bit. 

“Hey, Pete!” He chuckled, hands resting on the strap of his bag. “What are you doing all the way out here? Where’s Stan?” Some of the guard’s grumpy demeanor returned, but he just shrugged. 

“Day off,” he explained simply. “It was _supposed_ to be my day off, too, but James called off, so they got me to cover border duty. It’s been pretty uneventful.” He smiled. “At least until _now._ It’s been a while, kid! I didn’t know you were due to get back today.”

“I guess it’s a bit of a surprise,” Varian admitted. Pete nodded knowingly. 

“Then I won’t say a word.” He jotted something down on his notepad, then waved his hand. “You’re good to go!”

“Thanks!” Pete waved as he walked through the gate, with Hugo close behind him. Once they were a decent distance away, Hugo fell in line beside him again, sending looks over his shoulder at the guard. 

“I didn’t realize you were so chummy with the guards,” he observed with amusement. “No offense, but I thought you were, like, a former criminal.”

“Yeah,” Varian chuckled wryly. “Well, not all of the guards are like Stan and Pete.” He left it at that, shifting the bag on his shoulder and continuing on without another word. 

If the both of them didn’t know better, they almost could have sworn it was sunnier on this side of the wall. People were hurrying about even in Old Corona, being as productive as those in the Capital. A few paused and waved as they recognized Varian, some just stopping to stare. He waved back to the friendlier ones and ignored the others, marching through with determination. 

“Isn’t this where your dad lives?” Hugo inquired curiously, taking it all in as they walked. 

“Yeah.” Varian glanced to the side, squinting through the clusters of people. He veered off the main path and towards one of the bigger houses, peering through the windows as he approached. It didn’t look like there was anyone inside. He caught someone’s gaze just before he reached the steps, stopping so quickly that Hugo nearly ran into him. “Hey! Is my dad home?”

“Not right now!” The man yelled back. “Sorry, Varian!”

“It’s fine!” He stated at the front door a moment, before turning back around again. “We’ll just find my dad later. We should probably keep going if we’re going to make it to the Capital, anyways.”

“Totally,” Hugo agreed. “You want me to carry that for you?”

“Hm?”

“Your bag. You’re fidgeting with it. I can take it, if you need a break.”

“Oh!” Varian shook his head quickly, hands snapping to his sides. “No, you’re fine. It’s fine. Sorry, just nerves.”

“I get it,” Hugo assured him. “I wouldn’t be too keen on going back to _my_ hometown. But you’ve got this.” He knocked his fist against his boyfriend’s shoulder, shooting him an encouraging smile. “They’ll be thrilled to see you again.”

“Yeah, I know,” Varian sighed, walking back down the path to the main road. “That’s kind of what I’m afraid of.”

Eventually, they were back in a more wooded area, leaving the busy streets of Old Corona behind them. The occasional horse and carriage passed by and gave them odd looks. It was almost whimsical, in a way, with the vibrant green of the trees and the colorful assortment of flowers at their roots. They walked a bit closer, when there was no one around, talking to ease the underlying tension as they drew closer to their destination. 

But when they actually got there… 

Well, Hugo could tell why it was called the kingdom of the sun. 

Even as the celestial body lowered in the sky, it caught on the lake just so, making it shimmer in otherworldly light. The entire island seemed catered to its ethereal glow, perfectly highlighted and lit up. The streets were full of smiling faces and laughter, and music was coming from… _somewhere._

Varian dodged through the crowds with ease, slipping back into old habits so quickly it was like he’d never left. He waved to a couple people, stopping to chat for a moment with a bigger guy (Xaves?), and managing to keep track of Hugo through it all. It was only once they’d gotten closer to the castle that he slowed down again, staring up at the huge structure with anxious anticipation. 

“And there’s still no chance you just wanna find a place to stay tonight?” He asked over his shoulder, chewing at his lip. Hugo just bumped their hips, arms crossed over his chest. 

“I’m not paying any of my _hard earned money,_ when your house is right there.” Varian gave him a look, raising an eyebrow. 

“Hard earned?”

“Incredibly so. Do you know how much skill it takes to do what I do?”

“Rob people?”

“ _Years_ of practice. I’m practically a certified professional.” Varian actually laughed, and Hugo grinned in triumph. “No, really! It takes a lot of work!”

“You’re an idiot,” Varian giggled, nudging him with his shoulder. Hugo feigned a hurt gasp, hand held dramatically to his chest. 

“I’ll have you know, my boyfriend thinks I’m a _genius._ ” Varian froze, glancing about, and Hugo realized his mistake. But just as he opened his mouth to remedy it, Varian relaxed some, smiling shyly. 

“Yeah, he does,” he admitted in an almost whisper, leaning forward so he knew it was directed to only him. The smile turned mischievous, bucked teeth catching his bottom lip. “But he’s the only one.” Hugo scoffed, actually caught off guard, and Varian cackled, marching forward once more and leaving his flustered boyfriend to scramble to catch up. One word with the guard by the entrance and they were racing up the steps, Varian gaining the lead as Hugo nearly tripped up the last one. 

Smirking, he hurried up the final step and through the doors, only pausing a moment to take in the vast size of the inner halls. As far as castles went, this was probably one of the nicest ones he’d been in. Tapestries and paintings made a rainbow of colors across the walls, with statues and potted plants propped up on pedestals against the walls. The whole place was one big art museum. 

Varian had stopped just ahead of him, seemingly entranced in the same way. He crept up behind him quietly, careful not to make any sudden movements, before shoving him, watching with delight as the short alchemist’s arms pin wheeled and he fell face first on the ornate purple carpet. 

“Who’s the dumb one now?” He taunted, skipping over to stand at his head. Varian glared up at him from his position on the floor, rubbing at his nose. 

“More like who’s the _childish_ one,” he snapped back, climbing onto his feet and waving the hand offered to help. “And it’s still you.”

“I’m older, though,” Hugo reminded him, examining his nails. Varian just rolled his eyes. 

“Not mentally.” Pinning him with a look, Varian walked on ahead, bag back over his shoulder. Hugo followed as he looked about, taking in the size of it all. 

“So, where to now?” He inquired, crossing his arms. “Just wait for somebody to find us?”

“They might be in the throne room,” Varian said, although it sounded more like thinking out loud. “Or at least, somebody’ll be in the throne room. Someone’s always in the throne room.”

“Sounds like a decent place to start,” Hugo agreed, following after him as he chose one of the hallways and started walking. This was Varian’s home, so if either of them knew where they were going, it was him. Even if the unsure looks on the man’s face were less than reassuring, it wasn’t like they could get _lost._

Right?

“Right up here,” Varian said eventually, walking up to two large, impressively decorated doors. He hesitated again, one hand resting against the wood. But this time, Hugo didn’t need to intervene. Varian took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and pushed the doors open. 

The throne room was grand and beautiful, with stained glass windows and candelabras, but Varian’s eyes were trained straight ahead. Across the room, a young woman sat on the throne. She went very still when her eyes met his, staring right at him. The entire room fell deathly silent. 

Wordlessly, both of them ran to meet the other, colliding in the center and catching each other in their arms. Hugo hung back, watching as tears came to Varian’s eyes. The young man buried his face in the woman’s shoulder, squeezing her in a tight hug, and she squeezed back just as hard. She rested her chin against his shoulder, turning so her face was hidden in his hair. She pressed a kiss to the side of his head, and they both burst into joyful tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Head empty, only Freckle Siblings reunion. 
> 
> They’re so soft, you guys :’)

**Author's Note:**

> I know nobody reads the tags so I just wanted to warn that the ratings are likely to change on this. I don’t have everything perfectly planned out yet, but I have a pretty good idea. Once we get to that point, the appropriate tags will be added and the ratings will be updated. Thank you!
> 
> (Self projecting onto characters? Me? More likely than you may think.)


End file.
